Friday, February 20, 2009

What do Abortionists do in their spare time?

I know this is sort of a sick post but today I was just minding my business when i saw a guy who looked like George Tiller ordering a Starbucks. George Tiller is a notorious abortionist in Kansas known for his late term abortions. I saw a video of him where he actually admitted to performing abortions up to the day before the due date. My other blog is my family blog where I like to keep most of my happy posts. Here I have the opportunity to vent as a post abortive woman.

So, as I was watching this guy my mind just went off. It took awhile for me to order my decaf skinny grande caffe mocha. I watched as the Tiller look alike placed 3 packets of sugar in his coffee. He had a paper under his arm and smiled at me. I wondered if George Tiller wakes up in the morning and grabs a Carmel machiato on his way to abort the babies. Does he text his wife as she asks him to pick up the dry cleaning? Does he plan vacations to places in NY where he goes to watch a broadway show and no one knows who he is or what he does? Does he have any hobbies like running or swimming laps? Does he have a favorite football team? I imagine his world beyond aborting babies is filled with many other interests. I would like to think he stays up nights haunted by what he is doing. But I seriously doubt he is. I always am fascinated what evil looks like in the real world. There is no subtext or evil music scoring like in the movies where you would know the evil is coming. In our world we may be rubbing elbows with people who think that injecting a letal needle into the heart of a nine month baby in utero is just all in a days work. There was a woman once that I watched on TV that is convicted for killing her adopted daughter in an uncontrollable rage. She is in jail for 50 years. She admits that she has no idea what came over her and regrets killing her one child. i don't condone what she did but I could see honest remorse and serious regret in her eyes, tone and heart. I aborted my baby too years ago during a time of irrational indecision. I eventually was rehabilitated, transformed and forgiven by God.

George Tiller may kill thousands of babies in his lifetime and continue to read the paper to follow his stocks, shop at Macy's for a new tie and attend a fund raiser for breast cancer and write his abortion money charitable contribution in his tuxedo while the woman who snapped sits in her cell for her lifetime. I wonder if the man who aborted my baby went scuba diving in florida after he aborted Aubrey. I wonder if he ordered a glass of red wine with his girlfriend or watched reruns of old sitcoms as I lay in the fetal position in my bed devastated the night I aborted Aubrey... When I wanted to kill myself because of my awful decision I wonder if my George Tiller equivalent smoked a cigarette after he saw a movie or attended a football game. I wonder if he sunned himself in Cancun as I sobbed in utter regret and grief over my loss.....What was he doing when I quit my dream job because I was incapable of focusing post abortion? Where was he when I broke down in tears in the grocery store because the song with my daughters name came over the sound system? Maybe George Tiller is out spending his abortion money on a new SUV or adding a sunroom to his house while dozens of women are spending their days in the confines of the prisons of their pain and hurt. If serial murder was legal I guess Ted Bundy would have been allowed to hang out at resorts or 5 star hotels as the mothers and fathers of the girls he murdered were never ever the same. This world is too unfair and too surreal for me sometimes....I drink my caffe mocha today and stare at a man who doesn't even know that he is a reminder of my own intense pain. This man who is just a look alike is probably a nice and honest man but the reminders to me are everywhere and will never leave me while the hands that ripped that baby from me are free to drink a coffee, smoke a cigarette, scuba dive, pick stocks and drive his new SUV...just isn't fair is it?????


Pam said...

I am praying for you...can't wait to spend some time you...

Beth in NC said...

Deanna, you wrote this just as I finished the most AWESOME book! It is entitled, "The Atonement Child" by Francine Rivers. I had no idea it was about abortion!!! One of the characters in the story was an abortionist who didn't want to perform his "job" and it showed how God moved in his life. It made me wonder how these "doctors" live with themselves too. They are blinded ... I'm sure of it. Anyway, I highly recommend this book. I read it in two days.

Love you!