Saturday, August 30, 2008

What's an Abortion?

I have spent the week telling family members about the abortion I had 26 years ago. It has been exhausting emotionally. I knew i wanted to tell my 10 year old son because he is very bright and would be hearing me talk and would probably look at my book and I didn't want him to hear it second hand. I had intended on telling him in age appropriate terms. I thought I had thought of everything. So, we were in the living room alone with a rare quiet moment. And I told him about the book and told him about the abortion. He sweetly looked at me and said "What's an abortion?" I had remembered talking about abortion in the past with him and my oldest daughter but apparently he had forgotten. So i sort of just stared at him for a minute and explained in 10 year old terms. I then told him how Jesus is forgiving and has forgiven me. I also told him that he was surprisingly and miraculously conceived in the same town that I had aborted. And I had visited there with my husband for just a few days not intending on even trying and I became pregnant with him. I told him he was a miracle because I hadn't been back to that town in 15 years and then conceived him. I also told him that we are pro life and that he is pro life. He then said "what is pro choice?" when I mentioned the term. He said 'oohhh gross"...then he asked me what the difference is between republican and democrat and I just talked about pro life issues because that question is too intense and I wanted him to know what it meant to be pro life. So then he smiled at me and continued to play. Telling him had been weighing heavy on my heart and he just continued to hug me and love me and play. Incredible! Then I went to stir my vegetables and had to wipe a tear remembering how blessed I am with these children....a full quiver of 6.

Friday, August 29, 2008

The Alien World of the Womb!

I was blessed with the birth of my daughter Samantha 17 years ago. At her conception I had an inexplicable experience. I believe God gave me the experience to leave no doubt in my mind as to the power of life and conception. I was asleep and yet simultaneously very conscious. I felt my spirit hovering just inches above my body and horizontal with my sleeping body (I was laying on my back). I was frozen to the bed and could not move. I then felt another spirit come close to my hovering spirit. I was asked permission for this sweet, familiar spirit to unite with my spirit. When i said YES I felt this intense euphoric experience that was spiritual, physical, emotional. And even though I could not open my eyes (I desperately tried to) I was more aware and could feel more intensely than when i was awake. Then after I said "Yes" our two spirits powerfully coiled together and corkscrewed back into my body entering just below my belly button. The next morning I woke up exhilarated thinking that was an awesome experience. I wondered if i had conceived that night but just waited as the days passed by. I spoke to my girlfriend the next day. My friend is a Buddhist and very new age. She said to me "maybe you had an alien encounter." I laughed and said "no this was a friendly, loving soul that came from God." She told me aliens could come from God. Later that month I did discover that I conceived on that night. Weeks went by and when I felt the kicks of Sam my life and perspective on CHOICE changed in an instant. I had totally regretted my abortion and had worked through much grief but was still perplexed as to a woman's rights. I had told myself that maybe most women have positive experiences so still have the right to choose. But when Sam started to grow i knew i had made a mistake 10 years prior. This powerful active life residing inside of me was unquestionably alive and a gift from God. And yet I didn't come to that conclusion by way of religion. This was an actual true experience to me that was vivid and intense. I started to repent and simultaneously rejoice in God's restoration in me. I knew that He was giving me new life not only in the form of my daughter but also in the form of total forgivenss. My sins were washed away through His love. The months went by and I wondered what she looked like...I placed the sonogram picture on the fridge...I made copies and sent them to family members. I gazed upon her profile at 20 weeks. When she was born I gave my life back to Jesus and was never the same. Her birth was indeed a religious experience that brought me back to studying redemption, forgivenss and the character of God.

I believe that my friend wasn't so far off when she mentioned ALIENS.I think much of the pro choice world sees these souls as aliens. They don't understand how familiar and of our Creator they truly are. And they are not foreign or here to annihilate our world. Yes the world inside the womb is a mystery and might as well be in some other galaxy but it isn't. It is contained within our bodies. As women we are created with the most powerful ability create life. Life is so 'of God" and of our universe and 'of' His heaven. And these children are truly growing within us but not of us...I can see why some people may feel so diconnected. BUt in spite of the mystery and our incapacity to comprehend LIFE we have to admit the the embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, teen are all human and SACRED....because of that amazing mystery we need to contain and sacrifice 'our choice' for the sacredness of the mystery growing inside of us as a GIFT FROM THE CREATOR..not to be touched or destroyed by human hands.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Pro Choice but Anti Abortion!

I had a very disturbing week. But it was also the kind of week that makes you think. It started with a tech meeting for a concert we are doing at the United Methodist church. I ended up in a conversation about life and my book. The very sweet man who was chatting with me considers himself a christian and ended the conversation with "yeah but eventhough I am against abortion I consider myself pro choice." THen the next day I looked up the stance on abortion that the Evangelical Lutheran Church has. They also say it is okay to abort under certain circumstances. That made me contact one of my friends who is in leadership at the ELCA church that I grew up in. He confirmed that the Evangelical Lutheran's are in support of abortion. I spent an entire evening shocked by that and the next day very sad. I had assumed that most of the protestant denominations were pro life. The United Methodist Church and Presbyterians are also in favor of abortion under certain and many circumstances. I also believed that the denomination I was raised in was pro life. I have since learned that Lutheran's are pro life however the ELCA is not (thus the distinction). Even the Baptists just renounced exceptions in 2003. I am grateful to be in a non denominational pro life evangelical church. Then on top of which the entire presidential election process and the focus on abortion can leave those of us wounded by abortion in a sad place. I am saddened by the fact that people believe that being pro woman means being pro abortion. Not the case...check out Feminists for Life. I am saddened by the fact that Planned Parenthood uses the word choice but offers very few options or support other than abortions. I am saddened that the entire country is in denial and selfish in allowing human life to be destroyed. AND I am saddened that people can say "i am pro choice but anti abortion." The way I see it you are either or you aren't pro life. If you do not advocate for abortion then take a stance and support life. You can still advocate for women but not agree with abortion and the taking of human life. Trust me there is nothing pro woman about stripping a child from the womb before its natural birth. There is nothing pro woman about allowing women to believe they will be liberated and empowered after abortion. If Planned Parenthood were truly for informed choice then tell the women that they are killing a human and that there is the huge possibility that they could become extremely depressed and possibly suicidal post abortion. If you are pro choice and anti abortion then you cannot stand by and let women abort their babies. If you are anti abortion then you are against choosing to take life. You can't say "well I wouldn't do it for myself so I am anti abortion but support a woman's right to choose." If you believe the child is life and a human then please don't condone death to that child even if it isn't your own. But if you continue to say you are pro choice and anti abortion then you are still advocating for someone to take a human life. That means you are still anti life. It took one kick from my daughter to know that there was someone else residing in my body. We do not have the right to violate another human being. Women should be allowed to choose to be a mother but not at the cost of taking the life of a child.

First Post! Coming out of the abortion.

So, about 6 months ago I felt called to write a book. I was going to write a book about adoption. Next thing you know I am praying and the good Lord makes it clear that I have to tell my whole story. I am sure I am not hearing properly. So I pray again and write about adoption. Then I hear the words I figure...well it won't hurt to just write. I don't have to ever publish the book if I don't want to but it will be good therapy. I had told myself I would never ever ever ever ever tell anyone about the abortion I had when I was 19 (which by the way is over 20 years ago). But I started writing. I finished the book on my oldest daughter's birthday. The book is called "To Be a mother" and is going to be edited soon and I will self publish. The amazing thing was the book and my life are truly a testimony to God's forgiveness and grace in my life. I did end up becoming a mother and am so proud to be a mother of 2 children by birth and 4 adopted. I suffered intense depression and was near suicide post abortion but through prayer and the power of the Holy SPirit I somehow was saved.

I am calling this blog REVIVING MOTHERS because I pray that we all know God can revive us, forgive us and offer us an incredible life through His healing. I hope to also work with other post abortive women and women who have suffered great loss or are infertile. I believe we can all be mother's regardless of our past or physical limitations. I am also going to start a forum so we can all chat there in love.