Monday, March 30, 2009

Eve's Choice-Annihilating Mothers

So, why is there all of this crazy battling over our children and the souls of the mothers anyhow? In my quest to get to the heart of the matter I sought out the best expert resource I could find, the bible. My friend Pam and I let the Holy Spirit lead us. We didn’t know where to begin. I had it in my heart to start with Jezebel or maybe study Esther or other female characters in the bible. I knew that the topic of abortion, sex trafficking, pornography had come from evil and was of satan but somehow I hadn’t even considered going to where it all began, in the beginning. Pam and I read Proverbs 31 and were led to Genesis. I am really glad I didn’t go on a rabbit chase with all of the other biblical stories first. In reading Genesis 1-3, I really had an epiphany. The devil has been wanting to destroy women since the beginning of time. This may be obvious to many people but this was the first time I had read the book from the perspective of the annihilation of the woman and her children.

So Adam is there all content in paradise. God had commanded Adam to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge (Genesis 2:17). God decides that in order to take care of the beautiful garden that Adam with need a helper which He will make out of Adam’s rib. Adam lived with his beautiful helper (woman)blissfully innocent about evil and they don’t even know what shame was. All is happy and good. The devil comes into the garden in the form of a serpent and the serpent tells the woman that she should eat the fruit from the tree because then she would be ‘like God, knowing good and evil.” She gives into temptation and eats the fruit and in fact somehow convinced Adam that it was perfectly fine to eat from the tree. So then immediately they do know the difference for the first time ever between good and evil. And it is not good. All of the sudden they have shame and start to cover themselves or hide parts of themselves from eachother.

So God is walking in the garden and can’t find the man. He then discovers the man is hiding from Him. He figures out that Adam disobeyed His orders and actually did eat from the tree. Adam confesses that the woman talked Him into it. Then God curses the serpent with these words which are the key to all the problems we are facing now. God says to satan Genesis 3:15 “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers…”. So, from the beginning there has been a battle between the devil (and his offspring of demons and unbelievers) and Eve who is the mother of all the living including Jesus. Jesus the offspring of Eve is the chosen one sent by God to offer an opportunity to eternal life to all who believe in Him. So the devil and eve continue to fight. Eve’s first choice was to take the fruit or obey God and have faith in God. She had never been introduced to evil before this so was easily persuaded although she did know that God told her not to eat from the fruit.

This battle continues. When a woman is faced with an unplanned pregnancy she is given a choice. The devil says to her “this will empower you and surely God will not want you to keep this baby when you are so young, unemployed…this is a wiser choice.” Abortion then kills one of Christ’s children and then the devil tries to annihilate the woman too who isolates herself and hides from God in her shame believing in a lie that God will never forgive her. Many times the devil succeeds as some women never turn to Jesus and spiral down into the abyss. But when the woman turns to the Lord in spite of her devastation her soul is saved to be reunited with her baby who is indeed in the arms of the Lord in heaven.
Still the devil is in hot pursuit to kill the children of God. His devices are abortion, sex trafficking with stealing children from mothers, pornography or any other demonic scheme that will take the offspring of eve out of heaven and into a burning eternal hell.

So the battle continues repeatedly throughout the bible. We end up in a world full of sin rather than the idyllic Eden and therefore constantly battle…

in romans 7:18-20 Paul says “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do. No, the evil I do not want to do---this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

This is the same dilemma and struggle that Eve dealt with in the Garden of Eden. But the distinction and salvation is Christ embodied also in the Holy Spirit. God used the sacrifice of one of eve’s offspring JESUS to grant everlasting life to all of the other children of God who abide by the laws of the Spirit…

Romans 8 1-3
Life Through the Spirit
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c]

So as believers reconciled with God it is up to us to abide not by our sinful natures but instead by the law of the Holy Spirit..

Romans 8-12-16Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

The Holy Spirit unites with our spirit and proclaims us to be Chilren of God…looking back into genesis 3:15

He does say to the serpent
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;

But it also says
He (the offspring…Jesus and those of us that the spirit has called us sons of God) will crush [b] your head, or IN JESUS WE CAN KILL THIS EVIL SERPENT THAT IT STRYING TO DESTROY US….and ti also says that the devil will strike his heel…the devil may be able to attack the heels of the sons of God but the son of God will win when he squashes the head of satan..

So eve made her choice….her children were and are targets but in the end God was merciful granting those children eternal life in spite of Eve’s bad choice…as long as we cling to THE SPIRIT there will be no condemnation and eternal life for all of eve’s offspring who have grabbed hold of the law of the Spirit through their brother JESUS CHRIST… AMEN! (there is also video commentary on the subject at

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Saves You Don't See

Check out my new video that I posted on

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Did You Kill Your Baby? (talking to your kids about your abortion)

So, one of the most difficult thing about finally coming out as a post abortive woman is trying to tell your kids about it. I had told my 17 year old and 11 year old kids this year and they were great and understanding about it. I decided not to talk to my other kids because they were too young and there was also a language barrier due to their only being here a year. My other children are Grace (10), Ella (7), Jared (6) from Ethiopia and Matea (3) from Guatemala. So, this week as a part of the 40 days of LIfe I spent a few minutes praying at the abortion clinic while Grace, and Ella were in the car. There is only one sign at the clinic and when I returned to the car Grace said "Mom...what Women's Health Org?" Mark and I had talked about how we would like to start talking to them about sex but in age appropriate terms. I wanted to wait because I wanted them to understand english a little better....Still, when she asked I told her why I was praying. I told her in our country there are some laws that are not nice and are not what God likes so we pray for them to change. I told them that we have one law that will let women have their babies taken from them and then not live. I also told them in super elementary terms about KISSING and waiting for your husband. So, that was the conversation and after the girls went "YUCK." when I mentioned kissing..that was it...

So two days go by. Today we are having lunch at home. Andrew my 11 year old (who knew about the abortion) was in the room as well as Matea and the two girls (Grace and Ella)...The kids started this crazy crazy funny conversation on their own about Obama and how they don't like him because he isn't nice to little babies....Then as I was walking into the kitchen they said "Mom why does Obama not like babies." (we had had a conversation in December about why I didn't like Obama and I had to tell them about abortion in those very loose terms...Obama not being nice to babies because of the born alive bill and loose abortion laws)...So again I had to talk a little about abortion. I made a judgement call and just felt like I needed to start the dialogue since they were asking....we continued to eat our lunch. Then Ella very innocently looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy did you kill your baby?" The pause felt like 20 minutes. Andrew was looking at me...they all were as in my mind I wanted to lie and lie but I knew that Andrew knew the truth and I had to have them trust that I would tell the truth. So I told them that when I was a teenager and didn't know any better I thought that law was okay but now I know that God's law is the most important and abortion is against God's law. I told them that was why I pray there. THen Ella said "you killed your baby?" Again pause and total dread in my mind...I told her God had forgiven me and that in our family we will always want our babies to live etc...and that is why we don't kiss boys until we are married etc....Matea (whose mother was only 14) said "My mom didn't kill me." Another knife in my heart. I told her that we were so happy that in Guatemala they didn't have the law that her mom could do that...and that we will work hard to make sure mothers keep babies here....and make America learn about God's law etc...

So, it is interesting because I can post videos about my abortion to the world. I have no problem talking in front of the world about it but it was really hard talking to my kids about this especially the ones who don't really 'get it'. They are really too young to grasp it so I know the conversation won't really be finished for a few years....It also dawned on me that had Matea's mom been allowed to abort her and if our MEXICO CITY POLICY money had gone to support her abortion that she may not be here with us....humbling...It is humbling to be in the moment when you know your kids realize that you are far from perfect and indeed sinful....So, I pray they can grasp it and know Jesus forgives....


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Motherhood in Real Time!

Hi everyone,

I am going to eventually be sending this blog to a new blog called MOTHERHOOD IN REAL TIME..I have a book called TO BE A MOTHER to be released in July and will morph both my injera hotdog blog and this one together. In the meantime, I have added a video button on the side for you to preview my abortion commentary....

Friday, March 13, 2009

Future Glory! Creation's Birth!

Romans 8: 19-39
19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21thati]">[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

I love reading Romans 8. There is so much about it that is applicable as well as encouraging for me today. First off, I often wonder why God's creation exists in the first place. I often say to myself 'if things were so great in Heaven why did God create us?" That isn't to say that I don't think Heaven isn't an idyllic place. It is just to say that I wonder WHY???? Why do we exist on this creepy place called earth? In fact, so many times i feel that I am an alien here waiting to go back home to Heaven. Still in the scripture it says that 'creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice..." Creation itself was frustrated by the separation from God while waiting post birth to its decay(death or death of itself) until it can experience "glorious freedom of the children of God" It waits until the sons of God are revealed. In other words, is it possible to interpret the scripture to mean that creation itself experienced a birthing process in obedience to the creator although it wasn't by "its own choice". Perhaps creation itself had to suspend its own will in order to be obedient to the Father.

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

So, "the whole creation groans in childbirth". There is a natural desire to find and be whole again once our salvation is birthed through the son of God and we are then redeemed. And key to all of this is the knowing and understanding that there is life that exists inside of us that is mysterious but nevertheless connected to our eternal Father. Embracing and connecting with that Holy Spirit is so key because we can truly communicate with our Father in a language and understanding that is even beyond us as we reside in this unfamiliar home.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,j]">[j] whok]">[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

God knew all of us and predestined us to be His before birth and He called us and Justified us....

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."l]">[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

I honestly don't know how any of us can travel past our sins without the Lord. There is no condemnation with Jesus. There is in fact intercession and we are connected back to our true home via the Holy Spirit. We struggle here today with tough economy, difficulties paying our mortgages, unsure of our jobs, not knowing what the future holds for us. Will the world leave us destitute? Will our worldly situations leave us jobless and hopeless and feeling helpless? With the one who delivers creation from bondage into eternal life we are 'more than conquerers" from the decay that is occuring all around us. There have been times recently that I haven't even known how to pray. I simply have to say "Lord, i need you." He tells us that He works for those who love Him. I guess my prayer and hearts desire is to know how to love Him enough to just only long for union with Him and forget and suspend any kind of belief in this worldly so called reality. Through His love we can conquer it all...My prayer is to long for Him alone and be so focused on Him and believe in what I cannot see more than what I can....And truly believe in the promises of this scripture..

38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,m]">[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Jer_1:4-5; " How the word of the Lord came unto me, saying: Before I formed you in the belly I knew you, and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you.."

Scripture tells us that we are 'known' by the Lord prior to conception. Isn't it amazing? Before we are born we are sanctified by the Lord. Incredible! The above scripture is the one many use to give us comfort in believing that the aborted children are safe in the Father's hands in Heaven. It is also interesting that the Lord knew us prior to coming into our mother's belly. I will say that I believe the child I aborted (Aubrey) truly had an identity that even I knew and felt. When I conceived Samantha God gave me an experience of feeling her presence even before conception and then witnessing the moment her spirit came into my body. I know it is unusual but i honestly felt her enter my body and God showed me that he fused our souls together. I believe He did that to truly show me the power of conception and birth.

God knits us into the womb.

Psa_139:13-16; "Truly you have formed my most being: you knit me in my mother's womb. I give you thanks that I am fearfully, and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works."

I really don't know how God can be any clearer than these two scriptures. Why should we believe in the Sanctity of Life? Because it is clearly stated in scripture. And when God creates something we don't assume it is our RIGHT OR CHOICE to just be able to tear it apart. Imagine the Lord God is standing before you knitting something . Do we have the right to take it and rip it apart? Do we have the legal choice to complain about it not being perfect? I believe that if the Lord hands us a sweater to wear that He knitted we don't say "i don't like the color. I am not ready to wear that sweater, maybe a few years later you can knit me a sweater. I don't want to wear the sweater it will make me look fat or change my style." God has created each life to be unique. We humble ourselves to take His gifts because even when they are unplanned or not wanted by us they are still HIS PLANS for us....God knits life. God knits situations for us and asks us to suspend our plans and image and timing for HIS. What is incredible is that even when we do take the knitting needles out of His hands and rip apart the threads and throw His gift in the garbage, He still forgives us and loves us.......Still, I have learned from the gravest mistake of my life that when God hands me something He has knitted I will wear it proudly even if it doesn't fit, isn't the right color or is missing a sleeve. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and should celebrate each and every stitch God the Heavenly Knitter....

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Returning to the scene of the Crime!

So, as many of you know the abortion I had years ago was in Orlando. This was when I was performing at DisneyWorld as a singer. I eventually couldn't work post abortion due to stress and inability to cope. THe first time i returned was about 15 years after the abortion. On that one trip I conceived my son Andrew while down here. On Tuesday, I am surprising my kids with a trip to Disney. I am also going to be meeting with the man that hired me 27 years ago. He will also be meeting my kids. He doesn't know why I really quit and I don't think I will tell him on Tuesday. Still, I am touched that I will be visiting with 5 of my 6 kids. There is something really surreal about visiting with them. I also feel a sense of total closure about it. I also feel totally blessed and humbled to be walking down main street with my kids. This year I finished writing my book (going to be edited next month) and gave my testimony for the first time. I also had a memorial for my daughter Aubrey. So this visit to Disney with my children from Africa who as of last year thought an escalator was the most exciting ride they had ever seen, is really a gift. I also have been able in the past few months to remember the authentic joy I had with this job. I loved working there. It is incredible to realize that at one time both my most joyous moments of working and singing in the sun and my worst moment of killing my baby occured in the same place and time. So strange that feelings of genuine happiness and immobilizing pain can overcome you in the span of a few months......So, I will be there Tuesday. I expect to have a great time. i expect to walk through main street remembering the joy as I see the joy in my kids eyes. I am happy that I can walk through those streets sincerely appreciating where I am now.....healed through Jesus and really being able to "sing as in the days of my youth" Hosea 2:15....thanks to the Lord above...

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Post Abortion FACTS!

I pulled this info from the the website ABORTION FACTS. After the abortion I had I felt relieved and simultaneously devastated. There are studies that show that it is possible to experience these two conflicting feelings simultaneously post abortion. I also was suicidal and honestly was not prone to those feelings prior to the abortion. I couldn't cope afterwards and eventually quit my dream job at Disney because i was so depressed I just couldn't keep singing happy songs while I felt so devastated. I also developed insomnia. I also had nightmares when i did sleep. Here are some answers to some questions regarding post abortion symptoms and feelings. Many women think they are the only ones experiencing these feelings but I was actually text book and had many of the common post abortion symptoms. It is important to note that psychologists are told that this syndrome is not a fact. And most psychologists or psychiatrists will try to work the woman to believing that she shouldn't feel depressed or guilty but should learn to accept that this was her right and she did nothing wrong.....or they will prescribe drugs only until she accepts her actions and can "get over" her feelings of guilt by denying she did anything wrong at all.

What is Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS)?

Many women are very ambivalent about getting aborted but do go ahead. Those around her told her (and she told herself) that it wouldn’t bother her. When symptoms occur, she tells herself it can’t be the abortion causing them, and then into play come her two major psychological defense mechanisms:

Repression and Denial.

For some this works successfully. For others it shades off to manageable distress, to severe and life-changing upset and even to suicide.

There is a delay?

Yes! Her initial response in most cases is a feeling of relief. Then, with repression and denial, she avoids the problem, usually for years —5 years is common, 10 or 20 not unusual.

But then, for some, the negative feelings bubble up and break through. Often the precipitating event is: she has a baby, or a close friend or relative has a baby that she has close contact with. She finds out she is sterile, or other life-changing events.

What are the symptoms of PAS?

Guilt is ever present in many guises, along with regret, remorse, shame, lowered self-esteem, insomnia, dreams and nightmares, flash backs, anniversary reactions. There often is hostility, and even hatred, toward men. This can include her husband, and she may be-come sexually dysfunctional. Crying, despair and depression are usual, even at times with suicide attempts.

Recourse to alcohol or drugs to mask the pain is frequent, sometimes leading to sexual promiscuity. There is also a numbing and coldness in place of more normal warmth and maternal tenderness.

Is this due to religious guilt feelings?

Perhaps in some it is a factor, but most women re-ported on in the early studies were unchurched at the time.

Perhaps they had seen pictures of fetuses?

Again, not most. Most did not know "it" was a "baby" when they aborted.

But I’ve heard that the American Psychological Association says that PAS doesn’t exist.

This group has been strongly pro-abortion, and this definitely colors its thinking. But during the past decade or more, there have been dozens of national conferences on PAS. There are many professional articles and about 15 books adding more and more authentication to its existence and knowledge about it. Further, every one of the almost 4,000 pro-life pregnancy help centers in the U.S. now has found that an increasing percentage of their time is now devoted to treating PAS women.

But so many studies deny PAS.

True, and most are invalid for two reasons:

(1) Timing: Most studies have investigated feelings for only a few weeks or months post abortion when she is still feeling relief that her problem is gone. Since the delay before PAS symptoms intrude is often 5 years or more, these studies are invalid.

(2) Superficiality: Her repression and denial push this deep into her subconsciousness. If the survey is done by questionnaire or single interview, she routinely denies problems. These studies are invalid. Only by lengthy psychological testing and counseling can she often admit to some symptoms, much less tie them to the abortion she so desperately wants to forget.

You mean most studies miss PAS?

But most polls show few emotional problems — only a sense of relief! Yes, but "What women really feel at the deepest level about abortion is very different from what they say in reply to questionnaires." A Canadian study polled a group of women who had previously completed a questionnaire in which they denied having problems from an abortion. One half of this group was randomly chosen for in-depth psychotherapy." What emerged from psychotherapy was in sharp contrast [to the questionnaires], even when the woman had rationally considered abortion to be inevitable, the only course of action." It was demonstrated that the conscious, rationalized decision for an abortion can co-exist with profound rejection of it at the deepest level. Despite surface appearances, abortion leaves behind deeper feelings "invariably of intense pain, involving bereavement and a sense of identification with the foetus." I. Kent et al., "Emotional Sequelae of Elective Abortion," British College of Med. Jour., vol. 20, no. 4, April 1978 I. Kent, "Abortion Has Profound Impact," Family Practice News, June 1980, p. 80

Are there valid studies?

Yes, and two meta-analyses: James Rogers, who carefully examined over 400 published studies, pointed to the almost universal use of "poor methodology and research design" and "grossly substandard power characteristics." He concluded that "the question of psychological sequelae of abortion is not closed." J. Rogers et al., "Validity of Existing Controlled Studies Examining the Psychological Sequelae of Abortion," Perspectives on Science and Christian Faith, vol. 39, no. 1, Mar. 1987, pp. 20-29 49

Another concurred that existing research is methodologically flawed and that women who abort show more negative outcomes than those who deliver their babies. E. Posavac et al., "Some Problems . . . Psychological Effects of Abortion," Psychology & He

Does it ever lead to suicide?

Suicide is rare among pregnant women, but much more common after induced abortion. It is never re-ported under maternal mortality from abortion, of course, even though it is causative.

"The suicide rate after an abortion was three times the general suicide rate and six times that associated with birth.... the rate for women following a live birth was 5.9 per 100,000; following miscarriage 18.1; following abortion 34.7." They note that women frequently get short term "post-natal blues after having a baby, but that this rarely translates into suicide, and that the initial stress of having a child is transitional, the over-all effect having a positive effect on women’s health." M. Gissler, Abortion/Suicide Link,Br. Med. J., Dec. 6, 1996

Then it is rare among pregnant women?

In Abortion: Questions & Answers your authors de-tail 5 studies clearly showing this. One comment may suffice: "The fetus in utero must be a protective mechanism. Perhaps women are reluctant to take another life with them when they do this."

How about after abortion?

In the above book your authors also give the findings of Suiciders Anonymous, and that: suicide post-abortion is several times more common than post-delivery. British Medical Jour., 1996

What of Psychosis afterwards?

This has not changed since Dr. M. Sims’ original paper. He stated that, compared to post-delivery disturbances, post-abortion psychoses are much more serious, last longer, and are more likely to recur. They are more often the "hard" cases. M. Sim, "Abortion and the Psychiatrist," British Med. Jour., vol. 2, 1963, pp. 145-148

How about an example from a non-Christian culture?

In Japan, where abortion has been legal and accepted for over four decades, a common custom is to conduct Mizuyo Kuyo services in honor of the god Jizo. This god has been made the patron saint of infants who died of starvation, abortion, or infanticide. Small baby statues, in his honor, are bought and dressed. Then, in a Buddhist Temple, rites of sorrow and reconciliation are carried out.

Does abortion have any negative effects on her other children?

In some cases a definite "Survivor Syndrome" has been demonstrated. Children usually know that mother is pregnant. They also know when she "gets unpregnant." This may cause Survivor’s Syndrome, similar to that of Jews who survived the holocaust. It is an irrational but real guilt at "why was I saved and why were they killed." Dr. Ney has written about this. Dr. Edward Sheridan of Georgetown University has observed also a fear and mistrust of the mother. Originally, a small child, sensing a sibling’s arrival, doesn’t welcome it. "When the baby suddenly disappears, the frightened child may get a warped sense of his own power to ‘will people away.’ Or, if he knows that his mother was an active agent in doing away with the sibling, he begins to fear her." A simple explanation of this was published in: L. Bond, "The Surviving Sibling," Nat’l RTL News, Sept. 25, 1986.

It is also closely associated with child abuse: Dr. Phillip Ney, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Christ Church, New Zealand, and of later at

the University of Calgary, Canada, while still at the University of British Columbia, published a widely read study of this. His analysis clearly pointed to the fact that abortion (and its acceptance of the violence of killing the unborn) lowered a parent’s psychic resistance to violence and abuse of the born. P. Ney, "Relationship Between Abortion & Child Abuse," Canada Jour. Psychiatry, vol. 24, 1979, pp. 610-620

Is there treatment for PAS?

Yes, but it is not easy. We first must note that only a few doctors are sensitized to the necessary dynamics of treatment. Specifically, most psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t much help, nor are psychotropic drugs. This requires a gradual healing process, and during it she must have ongoing close emotional support from one or several people who do not have to be trained professionals.

As of the late 1990s, the place to start is your pro-life pregnancy help center. They can either work with her themselves and/or will know who can.

Basically, there are five steps to the healing process:

(1) Counter the denial. Bring this back into her consciousness and admit she was a party to killing her own baby.

  1. She must grieve over her lost child — tears, mourning as for another loved one.

(3) Seek Divine forgiveness. This was not expected but seems essential for almost every woman.

(4) Forgive others. Difficult, again, but some of this is needed to complete the healing and get rid of her long repressed anger.

(5) Forgive herself. Not many get this far, but those who do have real inner peace. What is absolutely crucial at every step in the above is compassionate empathy, support and understanding from one or more persons around her. J. Willke, P.A.S. Five Steps on How You Can Help, Life Issues Connector, Mar. 1996

AND I have to add...that there has been nothing that has convinced me more of the power of Jesus than having Him be there through my healing and teaching me to forgive myself by accepting the forgiveness He gave me through His sacrifice....

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

An hour of 40 DAYS! Remembering my sidewalk experience in 1981!

So the event that is going on now is 40 days for life. Today my friend Beth and I met our other friend Pam at a clinic in Raleigh. It was a slow day. I find most abortions end up being later in the week so the women can recover and be back to work after the weekend. Still, it is really a humbling experience to stand in front of a clinic while women are inside aborting their babies. We saw only one woman who arrived in a car with a man and a pit bull. They drove in seemingly very self assured. The woman couldn't get in the door and asked if it was open. I asked if she had an appointment. She said she was there for an ultrasound. It took a second but I then told her there was a place down the street for a free ultrasound. She said to Pam that it could save her 100 dollars. Still she tried the door again. I called down the street to the crisis pregnancy center which I had added to my speed dial. They had someone there to perform an ultra sound but she ended up getting into the clinic. We could feel the oppression and Beth and I could also physically smell a demonic stench even though we were on opposite sides of the building. It sort of would waft our way. I thought it could be some foul smell left there but it was weird and intermittent.

Here is an excerpt from my book (being edited) called TO BE A MOTHER...about my walk into the clinic :

It was hot in Orlando. It was May. My boyfriend dropped me off at the front door. The clinic faced a really busy street and the door that you had to enter in was in the back of the building. I was 19, confused and desperate to keep my job. My boyfriend was the only one who knew I was pregnant. I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I had Mondays off from my singing and dancing job at the famous theme park near by. I would have to sing again on Friday after calling in sick for 3 days. At least I would still be able to support myself with my job once the abortion was over. I didn’t like the idea of heading back to Rockford as a pregnant teen. So John dropped me off by the front door not knowing I had to walk around to the back entrance. I had to talk him into coming back later to pick me up. It was 1981. I didn’t have a cell phone and had to just guess what time would work for him to pick me up. He said he’d be back in the front in a few hours. It was his day off too and he had things to do.

There was a sidewalk on the side of the building and one in the back of the building by the parking lot. The sidewalk looked similar to the one on 15th Street in Rockford. My head was down. I walked slowly. I wanted to turn around but there was no car for me to get into and I was far from home. The clinic staff made me prepay and I thought weirdly too that meant I shouldn’t waste my money and had to go through with the abortion. There were palm trees instead of oak trees and sand in the cracks on the sidewalk. I saw a lizard skitter by. I saw a few palmetto bugs and watched as a wayward seagull picked at the crumbs on the sidewalk. A car whizzed by playing loud Foreigner music “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” The walk from the front of the building to the back door was the hardest walk I have ever had to take. My legs felt like giant tree trunks rooted to a place that I wanted to stay stuck in. I didn’t want to move and had to force each step. There was a thumping in my head and I could feel sweat down my back from the morning sickness, heat, reluctance and dread. I was nauseas and dizzy. “Step on a crack, break your mothers back.” The childhood rhyme was there as I glared down at the pavement with my blurry eyes. “Someone please save me!” cried out from my soul. No one was there. The Foreigner car had passed and I saw no one else on the side of the building. I knew about the people who would come and hold the signs of aborted babies. I hated them and wished there were people who really cared about me and really wanted to help rather than protest. But I became oddly angrier when I didn’t see them there. I knew that my opinion of them was valid. “See? They couldn’t even bother with showing up today on the one day that I could have used a naysayer.” Even though I didn’t like them I longed to be whisked away, taken away from my delirious choice and released nine months later with a baby on my chest. I also simultaneously didn’t want any interaction with them at all. My blue Jelly sandals imprisoned my bare feet as they brushed the ground over the cracks and around the corner. I looked both ways wondering where they were. Where were the protesters? They were nowhere to be found. I was totally alone now pacing over cracks ruminating in my decision. Then I heard a ringing from the bells hanging on the inside of the clinic door and a “Coming in?” A man in a white medical jacket had opened the door of the clinic and was gallantly waving me in. I looked up from the cracks and walked in.

Walking out 3 hours later was another thing altogether. A hand grabbed the knob. It was mine. The ringing commenced as the bells banged against the glass while the door opened. I squinted as the sun blasted into the glazed and teary eyes. It was surreal. The legs were no longer rooted like tree trunks. There was no spine. My back felt broken just a ripped up shell unable able to contain the vital parts of itself. The knees were wobbly. I was disconnected from my body, shivering and feeling as if I could have been pushed over by a light Florida breeze. My legs somehow took me down the sidewalk. I was watching myself from afar. I felt as if I belonged somewhere else. I felt as if I didn’t want to be connected or thrust back into that body and reality. I didn’t want to fall back into the body that was now incomplete without the life that had been growing inside of it for 8 weeks. I walked out alone again with no one there to help me creep the sidewalk. It started to rain one of those Florida rainbow rains. The sun was shining, a brief cloud, warm rain but I couldn’t lift my head and didn’t care if I saw a rainbow. I felt the rain and was chilled by it. It was 85 degrees outside. I waited thinking it was odd that they wanted us to bring our own socks to wear while we had an abortion in case our feet became cold. Eventually John showed up, got out of the car, opened the door for me and helped me in. He never did step foot on the sidewalk.