Friday, May 8, 2009


Hi Guys,

I am consolidating and moving ALL of my abortion commentary over to MOTHERHOOD IN REAL TIME.... sorry about any confusion but I actually think this will make things easier for most of you..


Tuesday, May 5, 2009


For many of us post abortive women, it is very hard for us to forgive ourselves. God loves us unconditionally and in kind we can honor Him by forgiveing others and ourselves...Mother Teresa has such a sweet demeanor that I find comforting and she is chatting about forgiveness...

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Darwin vs. Intelligent Design

There is really a connection between Darwinism and abortion. There is a quest for perfection and a belief that imperfect individuals should not exist and it is somehow rational and acceptable for the weak and less fit to die by that philosophy. Offshoot of this belief is social Darwinism that led us into Eugenics and sterilization in America to as many as 60 thousand people. Intelligent design isn't really the same as creationism but is tied to it. Intelligent design assumes a creator based on the intricacies of scientific observation of bacteria, cells etc. Einstien believed in a supreme creator because of his observations in science. EInstein was never religious and was not a christian. As Christians most of us believe in the word of God that we were created by Him. And creationism is supported by the concept of Intelligent design. However, for the sake of this post I just want to discuss Darwin and intelligent design. I believe the distinction is synonomous with choice v life. If we believe we have the right to choose because we control life and the imperfect timing allows us to force power over other life that is not as strong as us. The Darwinists believe that even human life evolves. The connection to eugenics too prescribes to the belief that imperfect people should die. Frederick Osborne the president of AMERICAN EUGENICS SOCIETY said that their organization should convince us to Voluntarily Unconsciously Select to abort or sterilize ourselves. He came up with this idea because the people were not accepting the fact that they were "second rate"...His belief was if you convince people to voluntarily unconsciously select based on being told you are irresponsible and it is more merciful/compassionate to abort then their purposes would have been fulfilled. Choice is based on Darwinism and eugenics. Intelligent Design tells us that the supreme being does not make mistakes therefore each life is designed perfectly by a creator to fulfill a purpose in the universe for this place and time. In a nutshell, Planned Parenthood whose founder Margaret Sanger a well known member of the Eugenics society, was created as an organization that could promote the eugenics theory. This is why to this day 1/3 of African american babies are aborted..Planned parenthood is a darwinistic organization. Their goals are succeeding. But knowing that the CHOICE is not a choice but manipulated by Eugenicists like Frederick Osborne who wanted us to voluntarily unconsciously select to abort our kids should influence us to inspire others to truly know that abortion is created to annihilate races/poor/disabled/disadvantages. Everytime a woman says..."I am too young, too old, too poor, too sick, too irresponsible so I am choosing to abort" she is basically parroting eugenic rhetoric. I was never one to want to refute evolution etc because I was raised in a liberal home and went to schools where evolution was taught. BUt this recent discovery of mine has been eye opening. And to every one of us who have aborted and felt lied to our answer is that 'yes we have been lied to.' Abortion is a means to continue to perpetuate the darwinist/eugenics philosophy that only the perfect children should be born from perfect neighborhoods with perfect tax paying citizens who don't require economic support. As an 18 year old girl who had to support herself I totally believed and bought into the belief that because I was imperfect and timing was imperfect it was more wise to abort. Margaret Sanger said: "The most merciful thing a family can do to one of its infants is to kill it." I have heard women say 'it is more compassionate than bringing a child into the world when I can't take care of it..." My first child Aubrey was aborted because I believed I was making an independant choice...the truth is I was manipulated into believing I was voluntarily unconsciously selecting to abort my baby....TOTAL MANIPULATION not choice at my opinion this doesn't benefit women at all...

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Redemption or Destruction

I love my church. Today Jim Laffoon (one of our pastors)preached on "A HOMELESS GOD" and how God is looking to reside inside our hearts. He also said that most people in the world don't want God to reside inside of them on God's terms. It was a convicting sermon. Mainly, for me there were aspects that tied into the issue of choice. He referred to John 14:23 (here is John 14:14-23):

John 14:14-23 (New International Version)

14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
15"If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, "But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?"

23Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

Several things stick out to me regarding, abortion, the world, choices. Mainly, God wants to give to His children. But obedience through submission appears to be the one repetitive attribute that honors God. THe world is consumed with the ways of the serpent. As we reside in the world we can be consumed by it and be tempted to WANT the riches of the world. God is telling us to ask and He will give. Why do we want what is in the world? Why did Judas desire God to be shown to the world and not to HIM? God wants us to desire Him. Because He knows through Him we can be complete, fulfilled and empowered by the Holy Spirit living in us. Still, we are constantly faced with choices. There are always only two. Pastor Jim said that Christianity isn't complex but it is costly. Our choice is redemption in Christ or Destruction through the enemy. The world or the treasures of heaven. When I was faced with my CHOICE, i had little faith and didn't believe God would love me and protect and care for me. I chose destruction. Many women chose destruction. People say all the time how difficult the decision is to choose life for your baby or the abortion. I know it is difficult but it is only difficult because we refuse to obey and believe in the power of God. The decision of LIFE isn't complex but to an 18 year old girl who may pay the cost by losing her boyfriend, job, school and independence the choice of life seems costly. Being oblivious to God and consumed by the world can be an easier choice. It seems ironic that the path to destruction actually is in some ways a smoother path to walk but it is at times. When we walk with God or allow Him to reside in us we have to be willing to be refined by Him. That means reliance, dependence, trust, submission and faith. THis is something I didn't have. It is something that I am constantly working on. But I praise Him for clarity in the past several years. Our lives, whether it be about choosing to have an abortion, an affair, do drugs, drink until we are drunk, steal, murder, curse, be promiscuous are about making a decision every day to choose the redemptive Holy path or destruction.....Love is a verb...redemption, righteousness can be ours through HIM. The temptations will persist as long as we are in the world but we can be aware that the devil will dangle anything in front of us to pull us away from God. It is our choice to hang onto OUR FATHER for dear life even when the world and its leaders are tempting us away from eternity.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Christ has Risen!

When I started this blog I settled on the name REVIVING MOTHERS because I really thought it was a fitting name for post abortive healing. There is a revival of sorts once we have been healed, forgiven and then forgiven ourselves. There is also an energy or momentum that occurs once the super natural healing of Christ just washes over us. It is as if although we were held down by a ton of bricks finally we could fly high and soar by His grace. So, Easter to me is so significant. My whole abortion experience came from a misunderstanding and disconnect with the true nature of God. I saw God as punitive and the crucifixion was proof to me..."HOW COULD HE KILL HIS OWN SON?" i seemed to say to myself through the years. Yes, I wore the Easter dress on Sunday but my focus was on Friday...I ignored the resurrection and was obsessed with the death. When I became pregnant, I had no faith and couldn't see into the SUNDAY that was ahead in my future. I wanted God to come and save me. IN the room aborting my baby I thought maybe God would come to my rescue. When He didn't I blamed God. But once I reached out to Him in desperation a year later...I started to see glimpses of the God that was truly all compassionate. I watched and watched as He lifted me up and allowed me to walk and sing again even with a spring in my step. When I ultimately realized what Christ's crucifixion really meant I couldn't contain my humbling shock in realizing that somehow Christ had to die for me. It wasn't fair...He was all good. I wasn't . But when I stand singing through the Easter service I can't help but cry in gratitude that HE came for me and that on Sunday HE ROSE...I had wanted to happy Disney ending and there really is one. Christ has risen and we are redeemed because of it...PRAISE HIM!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Bible Study!

So, Pam and I had our bible study today. We are just realizing it may take forever to go through the bible and really grasp how it ties into the abortion issue..but already in reading Genesis we are given such insight. So, first we were given the opportunity to obey. Then Adam was supposed to be a man and obey God first not eating from the tree. The Serpent tempted Eve and Adam said "OKAY" too...In the beginning we were supposed to obey and even when given a choice to do what God specifically told us not to do...we do it...Still God is merciful but later on we just get a bit out of hand with Cain killing eventually God starts all over with Noah (finally an obedient soul)... one of his sons Ham also sins by gabbing about the nakedness of his father Noah who had a little too much of his homemade wine..Later Babel is created and these crazy people think they can get to God by building a tower to heaven ....God confuses them by mixing up the language. But the part we really thought was funny was Abram's explanation to Sarai as to why she had to pretend to be his sister:

Genesis 12 Abram in Egypt
10 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. 11 As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you."

14 When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that she was a very beautiful woman. 15 And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. 16 He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels.

17 But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. 18 So Pharaoh summoned Abram. "What have you done to me?" he said. "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? 19 Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!" 20 Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

I guess it never dawned on Abram that he was putting his wife in a precarious situation. Later, Sarai in disbelief to God's prophesy insists that Abram go to Hagar instead....Abram LISTENS ...again like Adam not simply obeying God but caving to his wife's requests...anyhow, again Sarai though didn't really believe or have faith..POINT IS...there is a pattern of us having a lack of faith and disobedient nature from the beginning...and men and women being far from the heart of God. We had to laugh though at the end of the 18th book because it was like a funny sitcom:

13 Then the LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' 14 Is anything too hard for the LORD ? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."
She tries to deny to God that she laughed but the funny thing was that God showed a sense of humor too and says "you did laugh."

On a serious note it is just like us to believe we can truly plan our family better than God. Sarah is in disbelief so gets a surrogate. We can be so impatient as women especially when biology tells us it can't happen. Still all things are possible. I have a couple of friends who had their first children at 45 and I have a few friends still waiting at that age....I think if we quiet our hearts and hear from HIM clearly then we need to remain steadfast in HIS will and promise to us...Waiting for HIS TIME can be grueling and it is tough when we start to doubt whether we are hearing from Him when it comes to our children...but what is He telling us in our quiet times? Is He saying.."you will conceive a child" or is it Him that is telling us to adopt, get a surrogate or sponsor a child some other way...Or is He leading us down some other path? Either way it comes down to obedience....what is He telling us? When there are a million choices in front of us and yet we know what God has told us...are we tempted to somehow deny God's command for us in lieu of the choices that look good but are truly the path to something wicked...? I want to try to listen more and truly HEAR Him in this wilderness that is our crazy world....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Satan and Eve..

So I posted a video on YouTUBE and GodTUBE. I am realizing that there are some anti christian individuals that reside on YOUTUBE. But I am not surprised...So I posted a video called EVE'S CHOICE. And a guy named satan666 commented and then a guy named Chris who is a christian apologetics guy committed some online chivalry at my defense. I sent Chris a note telling him that all of his Christian brothers here in my neighbohood that are in my life thank him.

I knew Sunday night that we had hit a nerve and found the crux of all of the attacks on mothers in general when we came upon Genesis 3:15. I went to bed Sunday night so relieved as if there had been a veil removed from my eyes. I had been asking for years "WHY is there such an attack against mothers and their children?" And that scripture in Genesis is the foundation for all of the biblical stories that follow regarding mothers, women, child sacrifice etc...So, I was so happy to have discovered that. I also had realized that with this new vision came a certain momentum regarding this subject...and lo and behold on Tuesday SATAN (the youtube one) answered. THe beauty of it though is God had me so prayed up from a weekend of prophetic worship that I felt protection. So, the lesson learned is to ALWAYS be prayed up. Also, when you discuss and reveal the core of the battle you can start to attempt to join the battle to dismantle it...but when you do, that means you are a soldier in the war.

The response to the video basically was also biblical...satan will attempt to strike our heels or immobilize us. He will bring forth venom to convince us to disengage, be complacent, silent and wounded. But the scripture also says "HE (meaning Eve's offspring) will crush the serpents head." The Holy Spirit enlivens us and inspires us. I never planned or wanted to speak out about abortion. I was like many post abortive women who had vowed to remain silent and wounded my entire life. But when the Lord called me to speak, His light on the subject started to shine through to touch people and also really annoy some that are comfortable in darkness. All I want is to listen to the Lord and His call on my life...As I look around in this is getting ugly with more and more children being murdered, mothers who disconnect or are tempted by lies to kill their children and mothers who survive shriveling in the darkness of their own rooms in despair.....I believe their babies are in the arms of Jesus but I am so worried about the women sinking into the abyss because of a nest of lies given to them by the serpent who claims he can give them empowerment....I pray that those who can't get out of their houses to talk about it can at least make it to their laptops or computers to learn they are not alone in their pain and that God is calling them back into the Light to experience true EMPOWERMENT THAT ONLY COMES THROUGH JESUS CHRIST....

Monday, March 30, 2009

Eve's Choice-Annihilating Mothers

So, why is there all of this crazy battling over our children and the souls of the mothers anyhow? In my quest to get to the heart of the matter I sought out the best expert resource I could find, the bible. My friend Pam and I let the Holy Spirit lead us. We didn’t know where to begin. I had it in my heart to start with Jezebel or maybe study Esther or other female characters in the bible. I knew that the topic of abortion, sex trafficking, pornography had come from evil and was of satan but somehow I hadn’t even considered going to where it all began, in the beginning. Pam and I read Proverbs 31 and were led to Genesis. I am really glad I didn’t go on a rabbit chase with all of the other biblical stories first. In reading Genesis 1-3, I really had an epiphany. The devil has been wanting to destroy women since the beginning of time. This may be obvious to many people but this was the first time I had read the book from the perspective of the annihilation of the woman and her children.

So Adam is there all content in paradise. God had commanded Adam to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge (Genesis 2:17). God decides that in order to take care of the beautiful garden that Adam with need a helper which He will make out of Adam’s rib. Adam lived with his beautiful helper (woman)blissfully innocent about evil and they don’t even know what shame was. All is happy and good. The devil comes into the garden in the form of a serpent and the serpent tells the woman that she should eat the fruit from the tree because then she would be ‘like God, knowing good and evil.” She gives into temptation and eats the fruit and in fact somehow convinced Adam that it was perfectly fine to eat from the tree. So then immediately they do know the difference for the first time ever between good and evil. And it is not good. All of the sudden they have shame and start to cover themselves or hide parts of themselves from eachother.

So God is walking in the garden and can’t find the man. He then discovers the man is hiding from Him. He figures out that Adam disobeyed His orders and actually did eat from the tree. Adam confesses that the woman talked Him into it. Then God curses the serpent with these words which are the key to all the problems we are facing now. God says to satan Genesis 3:15 “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers…”. So, from the beginning there has been a battle between the devil (and his offspring of demons and unbelievers) and Eve who is the mother of all the living including Jesus. Jesus the offspring of Eve is the chosen one sent by God to offer an opportunity to eternal life to all who believe in Him. So the devil and eve continue to fight. Eve’s first choice was to take the fruit or obey God and have faith in God. She had never been introduced to evil before this so was easily persuaded although she did know that God told her not to eat from the fruit.

This battle continues. When a woman is faced with an unplanned pregnancy she is given a choice. The devil says to her “this will empower you and surely God will not want you to keep this baby when you are so young, unemployed…this is a wiser choice.” Abortion then kills one of Christ’s children and then the devil tries to annihilate the woman too who isolates herself and hides from God in her shame believing in a lie that God will never forgive her. Many times the devil succeeds as some women never turn to Jesus and spiral down into the abyss. But when the woman turns to the Lord in spite of her devastation her soul is saved to be reunited with her baby who is indeed in the arms of the Lord in heaven.
Still the devil is in hot pursuit to kill the children of God. His devices are abortion, sex trafficking with stealing children from mothers, pornography or any other demonic scheme that will take the offspring of eve out of heaven and into a burning eternal hell.

So the battle continues repeatedly throughout the bible. We end up in a world full of sin rather than the idyllic Eden and therefore constantly battle…

in romans 7:18-20 Paul says “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do. No, the evil I do not want to do---this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

This is the same dilemma and struggle that Eve dealt with in the Garden of Eden. But the distinction and salvation is Christ embodied also in the Holy Spirit. God used the sacrifice of one of eve’s offspring JESUS to grant everlasting life to all of the other children of God who abide by the laws of the Spirit…

Romans 8 1-3
Life Through the Spirit
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,[a] 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.[c]

So as believers reconciled with God it is up to us to abide not by our sinful natures but instead by the law of the Holy Spirit..

Romans 8-12-16Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. 13For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, 14because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.[g] And by him we cry, "Abba,[h] Father." 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

The Holy Spirit unites with our spirit and proclaims us to be Chilren of God…looking back into genesis 3:15

He does say to the serpent
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;

But it also says
He (the offspring…Jesus and those of us that the spirit has called us sons of God) will crush [b] your head, or IN JESUS WE CAN KILL THIS EVIL SERPENT THAT IT STRYING TO DESTROY US….and ti also says that the devil will strike his heel…the devil may be able to attack the heels of the sons of God but the son of God will win when he squashes the head of satan..

So eve made her choice….her children were and are targets but in the end God was merciful granting those children eternal life in spite of Eve’s bad choice…as long as we cling to THE SPIRIT there will be no condemnation and eternal life for all of eve’s offspring who have grabbed hold of the law of the Spirit through their brother JESUS CHRIST… AMEN! (there is also video commentary on the subject at

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Saves You Don't See

Check out my new video that I posted on

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Did You Kill Your Baby? (talking to your kids about your abortion)

So, one of the most difficult thing about finally coming out as a post abortive woman is trying to tell your kids about it. I had told my 17 year old and 11 year old kids this year and they were great and understanding about it. I decided not to talk to my other kids because they were too young and there was also a language barrier due to their only being here a year. My other children are Grace (10), Ella (7), Jared (6) from Ethiopia and Matea (3) from Guatemala. So, this week as a part of the 40 days of LIfe I spent a few minutes praying at the abortion clinic while Grace, and Ella were in the car. There is only one sign at the clinic and when I returned to the car Grace said "Mom...what Women's Health Org?" Mark and I had talked about how we would like to start talking to them about sex but in age appropriate terms. I wanted to wait because I wanted them to understand english a little better....Still, when she asked I told her why I was praying. I told her in our country there are some laws that are not nice and are not what God likes so we pray for them to change. I told them that we have one law that will let women have their babies taken from them and then not live. I also told them in super elementary terms about KISSING and waiting for your husband. So, that was the conversation and after the girls went "YUCK." when I mentioned kissing..that was it...

So two days go by. Today we are having lunch at home. Andrew my 11 year old (who knew about the abortion) was in the room as well as Matea and the two girls (Grace and Ella)...The kids started this crazy crazy funny conversation on their own about Obama and how they don't like him because he isn't nice to little babies....Then as I was walking into the kitchen they said "Mom why does Obama not like babies." (we had had a conversation in December about why I didn't like Obama and I had to tell them about abortion in those very loose terms...Obama not being nice to babies because of the born alive bill and loose abortion laws)...So again I had to talk a little about abortion. I made a judgement call and just felt like I needed to start the dialogue since they were asking....we continued to eat our lunch. Then Ella very innocently looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy did you kill your baby?" The pause felt like 20 minutes. Andrew was looking at me...they all were as in my mind I wanted to lie and lie but I knew that Andrew knew the truth and I had to have them trust that I would tell the truth. So I told them that when I was a teenager and didn't know any better I thought that law was okay but now I know that God's law is the most important and abortion is against God's law. I told them that was why I pray there. THen Ella said "you killed your baby?" Again pause and total dread in my mind...I told her God had forgiven me and that in our family we will always want our babies to live etc...and that is why we don't kiss boys until we are married etc....Matea (whose mother was only 14) said "My mom didn't kill me." Another knife in my heart. I told her that we were so happy that in Guatemala they didn't have the law that her mom could do that...and that we will work hard to make sure mothers keep babies here....and make America learn about God's law etc...

So, it is interesting because I can post videos about my abortion to the world. I have no problem talking in front of the world about it but it was really hard talking to my kids about this especially the ones who don't really 'get it'. They are really too young to grasp it so I know the conversation won't really be finished for a few years....It also dawned on me that had Matea's mom been allowed to abort her and if our MEXICO CITY POLICY money had gone to support her abortion that she may not be here with us....humbling...It is humbling to be in the moment when you know your kids realize that you are far from perfect and indeed sinful....So, I pray they can grasp it and know Jesus forgives....


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Motherhood in Real Time!

Hi everyone,

I am going to eventually be sending this blog to a new blog called MOTHERHOOD IN REAL TIME..I have a book called TO BE A MOTHER to be released in July and will morph both my injera hotdog blog and this one together. In the meantime, I have added a video button on the side for you to preview my abortion commentary....

Friday, March 13, 2009

Future Glory! Creation's Birth!

Romans 8: 19-39
19The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21thati]">[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

I love reading Romans 8. There is so much about it that is applicable as well as encouraging for me today. First off, I often wonder why God's creation exists in the first place. I often say to myself 'if things were so great in Heaven why did God create us?" That isn't to say that I don't think Heaven isn't an idyllic place. It is just to say that I wonder WHY???? Why do we exist on this creepy place called earth? In fact, so many times i feel that I am an alien here waiting to go back home to Heaven. Still in the scripture it says that 'creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice..." Creation itself was frustrated by the separation from God while waiting post birth to its decay(death or death of itself) until it can experience "glorious freedom of the children of God" It waits until the sons of God are revealed. In other words, is it possible to interpret the scripture to mean that creation itself experienced a birthing process in obedience to the creator although it wasn't by "its own choice". Perhaps creation itself had to suspend its own will in order to be obedient to the Father.

22We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

So, "the whole creation groans in childbirth". There is a natural desire to find and be whole again once our salvation is birthed through the son of God and we are then redeemed. And key to all of this is the knowing and understanding that there is life that exists inside of us that is mysterious but nevertheless connected to our eternal Father. Embracing and connecting with that Holy Spirit is so key because we can truly communicate with our Father in a language and understanding that is even beyond us as we reside in this unfamiliar home.

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,j]">[j] whok]">[k] have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

God knew all of us and predestined us to be His before birth and He called us and Justified us....

31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."l]">[l] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

I honestly don't know how any of us can travel past our sins without the Lord. There is no condemnation with Jesus. There is in fact intercession and we are connected back to our true home via the Holy Spirit. We struggle here today with tough economy, difficulties paying our mortgages, unsure of our jobs, not knowing what the future holds for us. Will the world leave us destitute? Will our worldly situations leave us jobless and hopeless and feeling helpless? With the one who delivers creation from bondage into eternal life we are 'more than conquerers" from the decay that is occuring all around us. There have been times recently that I haven't even known how to pray. I simply have to say "Lord, i need you." He tells us that He works for those who love Him. I guess my prayer and hearts desire is to know how to love Him enough to just only long for union with Him and forget and suspend any kind of belief in this worldly so called reality. Through His love we can conquer it all...My prayer is to long for Him alone and be so focused on Him and believe in what I cannot see more than what I can....And truly believe in the promises of this scripture..

38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,m]">[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Jer_1:4-5; " How the word of the Lord came unto me, saying: Before I formed you in the belly I knew you, and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you.."

Scripture tells us that we are 'known' by the Lord prior to conception. Isn't it amazing? Before we are born we are sanctified by the Lord. Incredible! The above scripture is the one many use to give us comfort in believing that the aborted children are safe in the Father's hands in Heaven. It is also interesting that the Lord knew us prior to coming into our mother's belly. I will say that I believe the child I aborted (Aubrey) truly had an identity that even I knew and felt. When I conceived Samantha God gave me an experience of feeling her presence even before conception and then witnessing the moment her spirit came into my body. I know it is unusual but i honestly felt her enter my body and God showed me that he fused our souls together. I believe He did that to truly show me the power of conception and birth.

God knits us into the womb.

Psa_139:13-16; "Truly you have formed my most being: you knit me in my mother's womb. I give you thanks that I am fearfully, and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works."

I really don't know how God can be any clearer than these two scriptures. Why should we believe in the Sanctity of Life? Because it is clearly stated in scripture. And when God creates something we don't assume it is our RIGHT OR CHOICE to just be able to tear it apart. Imagine the Lord God is standing before you knitting something . Do we have the right to take it and rip it apart? Do we have the legal choice to complain about it not being perfect? I believe that if the Lord hands us a sweater to wear that He knitted we don't say "i don't like the color. I am not ready to wear that sweater, maybe a few years later you can knit me a sweater. I don't want to wear the sweater it will make me look fat or change my style." God has created each life to be unique. We humble ourselves to take His gifts because even when they are unplanned or not wanted by us they are still HIS PLANS for us....God knits life. God knits situations for us and asks us to suspend our plans and image and timing for HIS. What is incredible is that even when we do take the knitting needles out of His hands and rip apart the threads and throw His gift in the garbage, He still forgives us and loves us.......Still, I have learned from the gravest mistake of my life that when God hands me something He has knitted I will wear it proudly even if it doesn't fit, isn't the right color or is missing a sleeve. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and should celebrate each and every stitch God the Heavenly Knitter....

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Returning to the scene of the Crime!

So, as many of you know the abortion I had years ago was in Orlando. This was when I was performing at DisneyWorld as a singer. I eventually couldn't work post abortion due to stress and inability to cope. THe first time i returned was about 15 years after the abortion. On that one trip I conceived my son Andrew while down here. On Tuesday, I am surprising my kids with a trip to Disney. I am also going to be meeting with the man that hired me 27 years ago. He will also be meeting my kids. He doesn't know why I really quit and I don't think I will tell him on Tuesday. Still, I am touched that I will be visiting with 5 of my 6 kids. There is something really surreal about visiting with them. I also feel a sense of total closure about it. I also feel totally blessed and humbled to be walking down main street with my kids. This year I finished writing my book (going to be edited next month) and gave my testimony for the first time. I also had a memorial for my daughter Aubrey. So this visit to Disney with my children from Africa who as of last year thought an escalator was the most exciting ride they had ever seen, is really a gift. I also have been able in the past few months to remember the authentic joy I had with this job. I loved working there. It is incredible to realize that at one time both my most joyous moments of working and singing in the sun and my worst moment of killing my baby occured in the same place and time. So strange that feelings of genuine happiness and immobilizing pain can overcome you in the span of a few months......So, I will be there Tuesday. I expect to have a great time. i expect to walk through main street remembering the joy as I see the joy in my kids eyes. I am happy that I can walk through those streets sincerely appreciating where I am now.....healed through Jesus and really being able to "sing as in the days of my youth" Hosea 2:15....thanks to the Lord above...

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Post Abortion FACTS!

I pulled this info from the the website ABORTION FACTS. After the abortion I had I felt relieved and simultaneously devastated. There are studies that show that it is possible to experience these two conflicting feelings simultaneously post abortion. I also was suicidal and honestly was not prone to those feelings prior to the abortion. I couldn't cope afterwards and eventually quit my dream job at Disney because i was so depressed I just couldn't keep singing happy songs while I felt so devastated. I also developed insomnia. I also had nightmares when i did sleep. Here are some answers to some questions regarding post abortion symptoms and feelings. Many women think they are the only ones experiencing these feelings but I was actually text book and had many of the common post abortion symptoms. It is important to note that psychologists are told that this syndrome is not a fact. And most psychologists or psychiatrists will try to work the woman to believing that she shouldn't feel depressed or guilty but should learn to accept that this was her right and she did nothing wrong.....or they will prescribe drugs only until she accepts her actions and can "get over" her feelings of guilt by denying she did anything wrong at all.

What is Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS)?

Many women are very ambivalent about getting aborted but do go ahead. Those around her told her (and she told herself) that it wouldn’t bother her. When symptoms occur, she tells herself it can’t be the abortion causing them, and then into play come her two major psychological defense mechanisms:

Repression and Denial.

For some this works successfully. For others it shades off to manageable distress, to severe and life-changing upset and even to suicide.

There is a delay?

Yes! Her initial response in most cases is a feeling of relief. Then, with repression and denial, she avoids the problem, usually for years —5 years is common, 10 or 20 not unusual.

But then, for some, the negative feelings bubble up and break through. Often the precipitating event is: she has a baby, or a close friend or relative has a baby that she has close contact with. She finds out she is sterile, or other life-changing events.

What are the symptoms of PAS?

Guilt is ever present in many guises, along with regret, remorse, shame, lowered self-esteem, insomnia, dreams and nightmares, flash backs, anniversary reactions. There often is hostility, and even hatred, toward men. This can include her husband, and she may be-come sexually dysfunctional. Crying, despair and depression are usual, even at times with suicide attempts.

Recourse to alcohol or drugs to mask the pain is frequent, sometimes leading to sexual promiscuity. There is also a numbing and coldness in place of more normal warmth and maternal tenderness.

Is this due to religious guilt feelings?

Perhaps in some it is a factor, but most women re-ported on in the early studies were unchurched at the time.

Perhaps they had seen pictures of fetuses?

Again, not most. Most did not know "it" was a "baby" when they aborted.

But I’ve heard that the American Psychological Association says that PAS doesn’t exist.

This group has been strongly pro-abortion, and this definitely colors its thinking. But during the past decade or more, there have been dozens of national conferences on PAS. There are many professional articles and about 15 books adding more and more authentication to its existence and knowledge about it. Further, every one of the almost 4,000 pro-life pregnancy help centers in the U.S. now has found that an increasing percentage of their time is now devoted to treating PAS women.

But so many studies deny PAS.

True, and most are invalid for two reasons:

(1) Timing: Most studies have investigated feelings for only a few weeks or months post abortion when she is still feeling relief that her problem is gone. Since the delay before PAS symptoms intrude is often 5 years or more, these studies are invalid.

(2) Superficiality: Her repression and denial push this deep into her subconsciousness. If the survey is done by questionnaire or single interview, she routinely denies problems. These studies are invalid. Only by lengthy psychological testing and counseling can she often admit to some symptoms, much less tie them to the abortion she so desperately wants to forget.

You mean most studies miss PAS?

But most polls show few emotional problems — only a sense of relief! Yes, but "What women really feel at the deepest level about abortion is very different from what they say in reply to questionnaires." A Canadian study polled a group of women who had previously completed a questionnaire in which they denied having problems from an abortion. One half of this group was randomly chosen for in-depth psychotherapy." What emerged from psychotherapy was in sharp contrast [to the questionnaires], even when the woman had rationally considered abortion to be inevitable, the only course of action." It was demonstrated that the conscious, rationalized decision for an abortion can co-exist with profound rejection of it at the deepest level. Despite surface appearances, abortion leaves behind deeper feelings "invariably of intense pain, involving bereavement and a sense of identification with the foetus." I. Kent et al., "Emotional Sequelae of Elective Abortion," British College of Med. Jour., vol. 20, no. 4, April 1978 I. Kent, "Abortion Has Profound Impact," Family Practice News, June 1980, p. 80

Are there valid studies?

Yes, and two meta-analyses: James Rogers, who carefully examined over 400 published studies, pointed to the almost universal use of "poor methodology and research design" and "grossly substandard power characteristics." He concluded that "the question of psychological sequelae of abortion is not closed." J. Rogers et al., "Validity of Existing Controlled Studies Examining the Psychological Sequelae of Abortion," Perspectives on Science and Christian Faith, vol. 39, no. 1, Mar. 1987, pp. 20-29 49

Another concurred that existing research is methodologically flawed and that women who abort show more negative outcomes than those who deliver their babies. E. Posavac et al., "Some Problems . . . Psychological Effects of Abortion," Psychology & He

Does it ever lead to suicide?

Suicide is rare among pregnant women, but much more common after induced abortion. It is never re-ported under maternal mortality from abortion, of course, even though it is causative.

"The suicide rate after an abortion was three times the general suicide rate and six times that associated with birth.... the rate for women following a live birth was 5.9 per 100,000; following miscarriage 18.1; following abortion 34.7." They note that women frequently get short term "post-natal blues after having a baby, but that this rarely translates into suicide, and that the initial stress of having a child is transitional, the over-all effect having a positive effect on women’s health." M. Gissler, Abortion/Suicide Link,Br. Med. J., Dec. 6, 1996

Then it is rare among pregnant women?

In Abortion: Questions & Answers your authors de-tail 5 studies clearly showing this. One comment may suffice: "The fetus in utero must be a protective mechanism. Perhaps women are reluctant to take another life with them when they do this."

How about after abortion?

In the above book your authors also give the findings of Suiciders Anonymous, and that: suicide post-abortion is several times more common than post-delivery. British Medical Jour., 1996

What of Psychosis afterwards?

This has not changed since Dr. M. Sims’ original paper. He stated that, compared to post-delivery disturbances, post-abortion psychoses are much more serious, last longer, and are more likely to recur. They are more often the "hard" cases. M. Sim, "Abortion and the Psychiatrist," British Med. Jour., vol. 2, 1963, pp. 145-148

How about an example from a non-Christian culture?

In Japan, where abortion has been legal and accepted for over four decades, a common custom is to conduct Mizuyo Kuyo services in honor of the god Jizo. This god has been made the patron saint of infants who died of starvation, abortion, or infanticide. Small baby statues, in his honor, are bought and dressed. Then, in a Buddhist Temple, rites of sorrow and reconciliation are carried out.

Does abortion have any negative effects on her other children?

In some cases a definite "Survivor Syndrome" has been demonstrated. Children usually know that mother is pregnant. They also know when she "gets unpregnant." This may cause Survivor’s Syndrome, similar to that of Jews who survived the holocaust. It is an irrational but real guilt at "why was I saved and why were they killed." Dr. Ney has written about this. Dr. Edward Sheridan of Georgetown University has observed also a fear and mistrust of the mother. Originally, a small child, sensing a sibling’s arrival, doesn’t welcome it. "When the baby suddenly disappears, the frightened child may get a warped sense of his own power to ‘will people away.’ Or, if he knows that his mother was an active agent in doing away with the sibling, he begins to fear her." A simple explanation of this was published in: L. Bond, "The Surviving Sibling," Nat’l RTL News, Sept. 25, 1986.

It is also closely associated with child abuse: Dr. Phillip Ney, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Christ Church, New Zealand, and of later at

the University of Calgary, Canada, while still at the University of British Columbia, published a widely read study of this. His analysis clearly pointed to the fact that abortion (and its acceptance of the violence of killing the unborn) lowered a parent’s psychic resistance to violence and abuse of the born. P. Ney, "Relationship Between Abortion & Child Abuse," Canada Jour. Psychiatry, vol. 24, 1979, pp. 610-620

Is there treatment for PAS?

Yes, but it is not easy. We first must note that only a few doctors are sensitized to the necessary dynamics of treatment. Specifically, most psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t much help, nor are psychotropic drugs. This requires a gradual healing process, and during it she must have ongoing close emotional support from one or several people who do not have to be trained professionals.

As of the late 1990s, the place to start is your pro-life pregnancy help center. They can either work with her themselves and/or will know who can.

Basically, there are five steps to the healing process:

(1) Counter the denial. Bring this back into her consciousness and admit she was a party to killing her own baby.

  1. She must grieve over her lost child — tears, mourning as for another loved one.

(3) Seek Divine forgiveness. This was not expected but seems essential for almost every woman.

(4) Forgive others. Difficult, again, but some of this is needed to complete the healing and get rid of her long repressed anger.

(5) Forgive herself. Not many get this far, but those who do have real inner peace. What is absolutely crucial at every step in the above is compassionate empathy, support and understanding from one or more persons around her. J. Willke, P.A.S. Five Steps on How You Can Help, Life Issues Connector, Mar. 1996

AND I have to add...that there has been nothing that has convinced me more of the power of Jesus than having Him be there through my healing and teaching me to forgive myself by accepting the forgiveness He gave me through His sacrifice....

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

An hour of 40 DAYS! Remembering my sidewalk experience in 1981!

So the event that is going on now is 40 days for life. Today my friend Beth and I met our other friend Pam at a clinic in Raleigh. It was a slow day. I find most abortions end up being later in the week so the women can recover and be back to work after the weekend. Still, it is really a humbling experience to stand in front of a clinic while women are inside aborting their babies. We saw only one woman who arrived in a car with a man and a pit bull. They drove in seemingly very self assured. The woman couldn't get in the door and asked if it was open. I asked if she had an appointment. She said she was there for an ultrasound. It took a second but I then told her there was a place down the street for a free ultrasound. She said to Pam that it could save her 100 dollars. Still she tried the door again. I called down the street to the crisis pregnancy center which I had added to my speed dial. They had someone there to perform an ultra sound but she ended up getting into the clinic. We could feel the oppression and Beth and I could also physically smell a demonic stench even though we were on opposite sides of the building. It sort of would waft our way. I thought it could be some foul smell left there but it was weird and intermittent.

Here is an excerpt from my book (being edited) called TO BE A MOTHER...about my walk into the clinic :

It was hot in Orlando. It was May. My boyfriend dropped me off at the front door. The clinic faced a really busy street and the door that you had to enter in was in the back of the building. I was 19, confused and desperate to keep my job. My boyfriend was the only one who knew I was pregnant. I was about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I had Mondays off from my singing and dancing job at the famous theme park near by. I would have to sing again on Friday after calling in sick for 3 days. At least I would still be able to support myself with my job once the abortion was over. I didn’t like the idea of heading back to Rockford as a pregnant teen. So John dropped me off by the front door not knowing I had to walk around to the back entrance. I had to talk him into coming back later to pick me up. It was 1981. I didn’t have a cell phone and had to just guess what time would work for him to pick me up. He said he’d be back in the front in a few hours. It was his day off too and he had things to do.

There was a sidewalk on the side of the building and one in the back of the building by the parking lot. The sidewalk looked similar to the one on 15th Street in Rockford. My head was down. I walked slowly. I wanted to turn around but there was no car for me to get into and I was far from home. The clinic staff made me prepay and I thought weirdly too that meant I shouldn’t waste my money and had to go through with the abortion. There were palm trees instead of oak trees and sand in the cracks on the sidewalk. I saw a lizard skitter by. I saw a few palmetto bugs and watched as a wayward seagull picked at the crumbs on the sidewalk. A car whizzed by playing loud Foreigner music “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” The walk from the front of the building to the back door was the hardest walk I have ever had to take. My legs felt like giant tree trunks rooted to a place that I wanted to stay stuck in. I didn’t want to move and had to force each step. There was a thumping in my head and I could feel sweat down my back from the morning sickness, heat, reluctance and dread. I was nauseas and dizzy. “Step on a crack, break your mothers back.” The childhood rhyme was there as I glared down at the pavement with my blurry eyes. “Someone please save me!” cried out from my soul. No one was there. The Foreigner car had passed and I saw no one else on the side of the building. I knew about the people who would come and hold the signs of aborted babies. I hated them and wished there were people who really cared about me and really wanted to help rather than protest. But I became oddly angrier when I didn’t see them there. I knew that my opinion of them was valid. “See? They couldn’t even bother with showing up today on the one day that I could have used a naysayer.” Even though I didn’t like them I longed to be whisked away, taken away from my delirious choice and released nine months later with a baby on my chest. I also simultaneously didn’t want any interaction with them at all. My blue Jelly sandals imprisoned my bare feet as they brushed the ground over the cracks and around the corner. I looked both ways wondering where they were. Where were the protesters? They were nowhere to be found. I was totally alone now pacing over cracks ruminating in my decision. Then I heard a ringing from the bells hanging on the inside of the clinic door and a “Coming in?” A man in a white medical jacket had opened the door of the clinic and was gallantly waving me in. I looked up from the cracks and walked in.

Walking out 3 hours later was another thing altogether. A hand grabbed the knob. It was mine. The ringing commenced as the bells banged against the glass while the door opened. I squinted as the sun blasted into the glazed and teary eyes. It was surreal. The legs were no longer rooted like tree trunks. There was no spine. My back felt broken just a ripped up shell unable able to contain the vital parts of itself. The knees were wobbly. I was disconnected from my body, shivering and feeling as if I could have been pushed over by a light Florida breeze. My legs somehow took me down the sidewalk. I was watching myself from afar. I felt as if I belonged somewhere else. I felt as if I didn’t want to be connected or thrust back into that body and reality. I didn’t want to fall back into the body that was now incomplete without the life that had been growing inside of it for 8 weeks. I walked out alone again with no one there to help me creep the sidewalk. It started to rain one of those Florida rainbow rains. The sun was shining, a brief cloud, warm rain but I couldn’t lift my head and didn’t care if I saw a rainbow. I felt the rain and was chilled by it. It was 85 degrees outside. I waited thinking it was odd that they wanted us to bring our own socks to wear while we had an abortion in case our feet became cold. Eventually John showed up, got out of the car, opened the door for me and helped me in. He never did step foot on the sidewalk.

Friday, February 20, 2009

What do Abortionists do in their spare time?

I know this is sort of a sick post but today I was just minding my business when i saw a guy who looked like George Tiller ordering a Starbucks. George Tiller is a notorious abortionist in Kansas known for his late term abortions. I saw a video of him where he actually admitted to performing abortions up to the day before the due date. My other blog is my family blog where I like to keep most of my happy posts. Here I have the opportunity to vent as a post abortive woman.

So, as I was watching this guy my mind just went off. It took awhile for me to order my decaf skinny grande caffe mocha. I watched as the Tiller look alike placed 3 packets of sugar in his coffee. He had a paper under his arm and smiled at me. I wondered if George Tiller wakes up in the morning and grabs a Carmel machiato on his way to abort the babies. Does he text his wife as she asks him to pick up the dry cleaning? Does he plan vacations to places in NY where he goes to watch a broadway show and no one knows who he is or what he does? Does he have any hobbies like running or swimming laps? Does he have a favorite football team? I imagine his world beyond aborting babies is filled with many other interests. I would like to think he stays up nights haunted by what he is doing. But I seriously doubt he is. I always am fascinated what evil looks like in the real world. There is no subtext or evil music scoring like in the movies where you would know the evil is coming. In our world we may be rubbing elbows with people who think that injecting a letal needle into the heart of a nine month baby in utero is just all in a days work. There was a woman once that I watched on TV that is convicted for killing her adopted daughter in an uncontrollable rage. She is in jail for 50 years. She admits that she has no idea what came over her and regrets killing her one child. i don't condone what she did but I could see honest remorse and serious regret in her eyes, tone and heart. I aborted my baby too years ago during a time of irrational indecision. I eventually was rehabilitated, transformed and forgiven by God.

George Tiller may kill thousands of babies in his lifetime and continue to read the paper to follow his stocks, shop at Macy's for a new tie and attend a fund raiser for breast cancer and write his abortion money charitable contribution in his tuxedo while the woman who snapped sits in her cell for her lifetime. I wonder if the man who aborted my baby went scuba diving in florida after he aborted Aubrey. I wonder if he ordered a glass of red wine with his girlfriend or watched reruns of old sitcoms as I lay in the fetal position in my bed devastated the night I aborted Aubrey... When I wanted to kill myself because of my awful decision I wonder if my George Tiller equivalent smoked a cigarette after he saw a movie or attended a football game. I wonder if he sunned himself in Cancun as I sobbed in utter regret and grief over my loss.....What was he doing when I quit my dream job because I was incapable of focusing post abortion? Where was he when I broke down in tears in the grocery store because the song with my daughters name came over the sound system? Maybe George Tiller is out spending his abortion money on a new SUV or adding a sunroom to his house while dozens of women are spending their days in the confines of the prisons of their pain and hurt. If serial murder was legal I guess Ted Bundy would have been allowed to hang out at resorts or 5 star hotels as the mothers and fathers of the girls he murdered were never ever the same. This world is too unfair and too surreal for me sometimes....I drink my caffe mocha today and stare at a man who doesn't even know that he is a reminder of my own intense pain. This man who is just a look alike is probably a nice and honest man but the reminders to me are everywhere and will never leave me while the hands that ripped that baby from me are free to drink a coffee, smoke a cigarette, scuba dive, pick stocks and drive his new SUV...just isn't fair is it?????

Monday, February 16, 2009

12 year old speech contest...WINNER!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Counter Offer

Looking good...for the house. Can you believe it....?There is so much to do regarding setting up closing dates if this happens etc. Counter offer was reasonable so waiting to iron out additional details until deposits go into escrow etc...YAY! On Monday I had lunch with a different woman on a local liberal campus that wants to buy an old frat house on campus for a CPC...I had to laugh and asked her if we could finalize the first targeted sight...Thinking God is thrusting me into some sort of Crisis Pregnancy Center real estate facilitating business...LOL! Not really what I had been trained in ..HA! I do find it fun though......

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Keep Praying...

Okay...we should get an answer from the sellers tomorrow BUT the buyer can now only invest a certain amount which leaves us about 100k or more to come up with depending on what the seller counters with....SO, we are still optimistic but have to restructure a deal and come up with more investors.....Keep praying....have two meetings tomorrow to chat with people who may be interested...

Friday, February 6, 2009

Pray for the house still!

The offer is in and the current owners want the weekend to consider it...I ask for prayer that they decide to move forward. Honestly, the potential new owner is so perfect and even has experience with CPC's before . The wife I believe is truly created for this work as she has a lot of volunteer work with a CPC. Also, the husband is a doctor. They also are very SPIRITED and prayed up people fully aware of the warfare involved in this transaction...SO, I am just in awe at God. The very fact that this was a mere idea when I saw the house a few weeks ago and now there is an amazing potential owner waiting for the offer to be received so they can turn the place into a CPC...mind boggling....incredible...Please continue to pray...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Nahum/Bible study!

I would love comments and input as to how the book of NAHUM applies to the current abortion issue. I had the book swirling in my dreams the other night and don't even remember reading it in a long time. I didn't study it really in the past but then when I read it found it really interesting. Strongly encourage anyone involved in the pro life cause to read the book...still I would love to hear comments and insight from my blog world friends....

Asking for Intercessory Prayer!

A month ago I prayed in front of an abortion clinic and found a house for sale next to it. I couldn't sleep at night because I had to figure out a way to acquire that house. I couldn't afford it myself but couldn't stop thinking of it. So,I spent the next few weeks in meetings with realtors, attorneys, pro life advocates, crisis pregnancy center leaders. Some of my friends started to pray as well. Then a few friends and i annointed the property and prayed on it. Different friend of mine came up with contracts for partial ownership. We would have to do some serious fund raising. Miraculously, an amazing couple came forward to offer to buy the property to lease then to a CPC. The offer was put on paper today. ALSO, the woman is a prayed up woman. She has some intercessors. One of her intercessors advised her to make sure she is hearing from God because this will be a battle like she has never seen. The potential owner got off of the phone...prayed and decided to still make the offer. She envisioned one of the rooms that over looks the abortion clinic to be the prayer room....anyhow, she asked that we all get prayed up. I am asking for extra prayer tonight and in the near future to make this happen and for protection over her family and ours....and those involved in this ...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Prayer for Obama!

My mom sent this to me today!

Our Father who art in Heaven....
We worship You for Who You are...
Our Almighty God of the universe...
and we praise You for all You do.....

We pray for optimum health, mental clarity and spirtual
prosperity for President Barrack Obama.
We pray that what he lacks in 'experience' You
make up for with supernatural wisdom and power.
and that Your love will fill his heart to the
end that 'Your will' will be done through him.
We pray mightily for his protection. As we plead the Blood of
Jesus over him and his family, we ask You to dispatch legions
of angels to protect them from all hurt, harm, danger, and
from all accidents and incidents as he is the President of
the United States of America .
That the enemy will stumble and fall every time he comes
to destroy what you, Lord, are doing through this country.
We thank and praise You our Heavenly Father for answering
our sincere prayers. We pray believing and recieving in the
name that is above every name; in the name of Jesus Christ
of Nazereth, AMEN and AMEN...

Mother Teresa's words!

"America needs no words from me to see how your decision in Roe v. Wade has deformed a great nation. The so-called right to abortion has pitted mothers against their children and women against men. It has sown violence and discord at the heart of the most intimate human relationships. It has aggravated the derogation of the father's role in an increasingly fatherless society. It has portrayed the greatest of gifts -- a child -- as a competitor, an intrusion, and an inconvenience. It has nominally accorded mothers unfettered dominion over the independent lives of their physically dependent sons and daughters"
And, in granting this unconscionable power, it has exposed many women to unjust and selfish demands from their husbands or other sexual partners. Human rights are not a privilege conferred by government. They are every human being's entitlement by virtue of his humanity. The right to life does not depend, and must not be declared to be contingent, on the pleasure of anyone else, not even a parent or a sovereign." (Mother Theresa -- "Notable and Quotable," Wall Street Journal, 2/25/94, p. A14)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Pastor Ron's Podcast!Celebration of Life!

If you get a chance check this out (click here). It is a full sermon so takes awhile. I am also keeping a link on the sidebar. It was a sermon on 1/18th titled CELEBRATION FOR LIFE and was given by Pastor Ron Lewis at Kings Park International.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Praying for Obama!

I am the mother of 3 African children. I am also seriously pro life and did not vote for Obama because of my one issue voting. For my kids sake (not to create stress for them), we don't talk politics in front of them. I really want them to be proud of having an African man in the whitehouse. We even pray during meals for his family and kids. We commented during the inauguration how beautiful the girls looked. Well, then he voted to take off the restrictions for our funding to go toward abortions in Mexico. My youngest daughter was born in Guatemala by a 13 year old mother who didn't have funding for an abortion. Had she had that funding we would never know Matea and the joys that she brings to us. My mother would never be able to send her sweet grand daughter birthday cards with kittens on them. Matea wouldn't be around to show us how funny and smart and mature she is for her age. There are a bunch of little 3 year olds who wouldn't have a friend. Sarah, Rachel, Abby and Maggie would have one less girlfriend at their birthday party. I think about the babies in Mexico and the rest of the world like Guatemaa that will not be born and that will not bring joy to their families.

I can't find a balance. I am so afraid of what FOCA means to my children and my potential grandchildren. I find myself hating Obama although I know that we are all able to be transformed through Jesus. I tell myself the battle is with the devil rather than OBama and then Nancy Pelosi makes a comment that basically says it is fiscally sound to kill babies that could be born to African American children in the urban centers...My daughters are oldest is reaching the target age for abortion...18...After that comment by Nancy Pelosi, I blame Obama too because I know he is a part of the party that believes that fewer people and abortion is somehow economically and ecologically advantageous. So I pray....dear God please let me see a president that will somehow change his mind when it comes to abortion. Please God surround Obama with Godly counselors and let him listen to them...but then I also know he is surrounded by people who think that aborting 1.5 million babies a year is no issue. In fact they are considering upping Planned Parenthoods coffers by 4.6 billion....So, I am constantly conflicted...How do we deal with this kind of evil. DO we love the people that perpetuate it? I was a woman who aborted a baby..I am hated by some...still i was transformed by I LOVE OBAMA even when soon little babies around the world will be aborted in dirty abortion clinics in Mexico City and women in China will have their forced abortions paid for by our tax dollars????? Or do I focus my anger and frustration on him personally. He is afterall considered now to be the most powerful human on the planet. I know my battle is with the devil but when the devil inhabits humans how can we sit quiet and pray while we wait for an exorcism to take place in the oval office...I just pray somehow the demons scurry away back into some desolate place in another universe..because I feel like I am living in the twilight zone and can't be totally sincere in my prayers for OBama....Still I do pray every night for God to protect him and then I also pray "Dear Lord, please protect the babies that aren't even born yet..." I am way too confused....

Pray for Property!

Keep praying for the property that we want to buy next to the abortion clinic. I am very encouraged. I met with a woman who is very interested in running the cpc we want to put up on the spot. She has been in the Crisis Pregnancy Center business for 30 years,has a loving and simultaneously feisty spirit. LOVE HER! I have a few more meetings in hopes of acquiring the property and I have a business model brewing to make this the first of other acquisitions (provided we can get investors).....

Friday, January 23, 2009

This video rocks...amazing.

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Monday, January 19, 2009

Is Abortion a Craft?

I just finished reading an article written by this pro choice woman named Marcy Bloom called "Jailhouse Journal of an Abortion Provider." This article is Marcy's commentary on a book by Dr. Bruce Steir, an abortionist who is in jail for the homicide conviction due to one of his botched abortions. In the article Ms. Bloom also calls his conviction a "witch hunt" thereby classifying individuals who want to see an honest investigation and legal process followed through for the death of a woman at his hands, as evil. And also calls the pro lifers "vicious anti-abortion" groups....Knowing the article was written by a pro choice individual, I wasn't reading anything that I hadn't read before. She characterized Dr. Steir as being someone who spent his life caring for women and the health of women while she also says he performed 40,000 abortions in his career. In a nutshell, she elevated him to be some sort of saintly member of our society. The one thing that really got me though is her use of the word "craft'. She described his profession as a 'craft'. Is abortion a craft? Being involved in the arts and having worked for years closely with musicians who truly have crafted their art, I have to say I am totally annoyed and insulted when I hear a pro choicer using the word CRAFT to describe the process of aborting a baby. When my husband was studying piano and music theory the goal was to be able to perform at a level that was effortless but that inspired others and touched people through music. I have watched as people have been healed and moved to tears through his craft. I have watched as people have raised their arms in Praises to God through his craft (a God given gift). When an artist works on a painting they are trying really hard to express something deep inside their soul and transfer it to canvas or on another medium. Even if that work of art evokes anger or evil it does not literally take a life...and I don't know of any other 'craft' designed to kill...Do we refer to Ted Bundy as having studied the craft of being a serial killer? 40,000 abortions. I am sure this man was an excellent abortionist...according to many in the pro choice community. But the result of his so called art was a dead baby. If there is any 'craft' to be attached to the moniker of this man then I would just have to call it witch craft....To take a woman and rip a baby out of her womb would have to be something that is not inspired by the word 'craft' in the beautiful creative sense should not be applied to the abortionist.... GOd crafts us to be ALIVE, in Psalm 139 it says "you knit us in our mother's womb" and "you saw our unformed body." God himself is the ultimate craftsman. If I walked up to God standing before me with His knitting needles and ripped the yarn out from the sweater He was making for me or grabbed it and soaked it in some liquid that would destroy it...or I said "no thanks..I am too young for your gift ..." or " made one sleeve too small..I can't wear that it won't work in my lifestyle." If others witnessed me destroying God's knitting would they call my ability to rip and tear a CRAFT? ...Likewise, the individual who would reach inside a woman's womb to take apart piece by piece an amazing work of art (the human baby) is defying God. Learning how to effortlessly rip the arms, legs and then head of a human from a womb does not deserve to be identified as a work of an is however not of God and therefore, if Marcy Bloom thinks that Dr. Steir is a craftsman then lets be real and call it "witch craft."

Sunday, January 18, 2009


A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America: National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2009
President George W. Bush (January 18, 2009)

The sanctity of life is written in the hearts of all men and women. On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law.

(Washington, DC)—The following text is A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America: National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2009:

Pres. Bush during his farwell addressAll human life is a gift from our Creator that is sacred, unique, and worthy of protection. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, our country recognizes that each person, including every person waiting to be born, has a special place and purpose in this world. We also underscore our dedication to heeding this message of conscience by speaking up for the weak and voiceless among us. (Photo:

The most basic duty of government is to protect the life of the innocent. My Administration has been committed to building a culture of life by vigorously promoting adoption and parental notification laws, opposing Federal funding for abortions overseas, encouraging teen abstinence, and funding crisis pregnancy programs. In 2002, I was honored to sign into law the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act, which extends legal protection to children who survive an abortion attempt. I signed legislation in 2003 to ban the cruel practice of partial birth abortion, and that law represents our commitment to building a culture of life in America. Also, I was proud to sign the Unborn Victims of Violence Act of 2004, which allows authorities to charge a person who causes death or injury to a child in the womb with a separate offense in addition to any charges relating to the mother.

America is a caring Nation, and our values should guide us as we harness the gifts of science. In our zeal for new treatments and cures, we must never abandon our fundamental morals. We can achieve the great breakthroughs we all seek with reverence for the gift of life.

The sanctity of life is written in the hearts of all men and women. On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law. We also encourage more of our fellow Americans to join our just and noble cause. History tells us that with a cause rooted in our deepest principles and appealing to the best instincts of our citizens, we will prevail.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 18, 2009, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to underscore our commitment to respecting and protecting the life and dignity of every human being.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

Sanctity of Life Weekend!

WHEW! What a weekend! I spent yesterday at 9:30 at a breakfast for the NC Right to Life organization. I was arbitrarily chosen out of 400 people to be one of 7 individuals to read a prayer. I also met a couple of Priests and many pro life individuals that mostly are catholic. The median age of the breakfast attendees was probably 65. I really enjoyed it . A woman named Kate Adamson spoke. She is a woman about my age who had a serious stroke at the age of 33. This left her paralyzed and yet totally conscious and aware of her surroundings. She spent 70 days in intensive care and had to endure listening as doctors tried deperately to convince her husband to pull the feeding tube and breathing tube because she had only 1 in a million chance of surviving and if she did she would be a vegetable. In the meantime, Kate was trying to communicate with her husband. Eventually he had an idea. He asked her a question and with all of her power was able to blink out a response. This started her recovery. Now she walks and talks around the country about the disabled and sanctity of life.

After the breakfast was the March for Life in downtown Raleigh. I have been hanging out with my new BFF Denice...She is the Raleigh coordinator for 40 days for Life ....She is a member of St. Andrew's in Apex. I enjoyed listening to many speakers including the leader of STUDENTS FOR LIFE NC....There were about 1000 people there. One woman was about 70 years old and used a walker to walk the 1/2 mile on the March.

Today I gave my testimony in interview style at church. It is amazing what happened after church. Here are a few testimonies that I heard after mine.
1. A very masculine guy came down for prayer and to confess that he was like the boyfriend that had dropped me off at the abortion clinic. He had a girlfriend years ago and they aborted their baby. He said he had great regret because of it. When I told him that men also suffer from the effects of abortion and losing a child he had tears in his eyes and I asked him if I could pray for him and we did.
2. one woman who was about 25 confessed to giving up her baby 10 years ago for adoption when she found herself pregnant and now will be getting married soon and really wants to adopt but wants prayer that her fiance will want the same thing. She was crying because the sermon meant so much to her and she was also touched by my testimony. I reminded her that God will honor her sacrifice and that I wish I would have had the courage she had to see her pregnancy to completion and give her child up. She asked for prayer and we prayed.
3. A guy who doesn't come very often told this story of his very sick sister who had been pregnant during cancer and fought to keep her baby even though the doctors said she should abort...she gave birth and 3 years later died leaving custody to her brother (the guy I was talking to)
4. A woman came to me and told me about the abortion she had 22 years ago and cried as she talked saying she could never forgive herself and I was the first person she ever told the story to. I am emailing post abortive groups for healing.
5. Another woman told me about giving up her baby for adoption 30 years ago and regretting giving him up and miraculously the godly couple who adopted her son had been told through prayer to give the baby back to her. This occurred only hours after she learned about crisis pregnancy services that could help her keep her baby.She was blessed after just a few weeks without him to have been able to raise him.
6. A 17 year old korean adoptee confided in me that her mother was only 16 when she had her and she hopes that she can adopt when she gets older too and is working on finding her birth mother...

In addition, God blessed me by coincidentally sending one of my post abortion bible study friends to the service this week. She has been a great support but has only been to KPIC 2x's before . She did not know that I would be giving my testimony.

Tonight I also attended our Hispanic service where I read in Spanish my encounter with the Hispanic couple at the clinic last week. The worship time with them was intense. I saw two woman fall to their knees inconsolable as the Holy Spirit moved through them during the music.

It has been less than a year since God asked me to come out as a post abortive woman. The concept of revealing my sin was about as appealing as a root canal. But there is power and joy in the light of the Lord's truth. I pray we see a massive outburst of confessions from women so the lies and deception regarding abortion will be squashed. I pray God inspires many to raise their hands and say "i also was hurt by abortion and it is not empowering. It is only by God's grace that i am free....

Saturday, January 17, 2009

The Tip of the Iceberg!

It was and still is an eventful week for so many in the pro-life community. Yesterday I chatted with a woman who owns and runs a Crisis Pregnancy Center. She mentioned how abortion is the tip of this huge iceberg that is likely to sink our society...Like the Titanic, a so called unsinkable ship, the captain can only see the little tip at the top of the iceberg not realizing that the tip is really the head of something huge brewing underground. Under the sea the iceberg continues and can break a gigantic hole into the hull of the ship killing and perhaps drowning its passengers. Likewise, while abortion is big it is so because of the huge ramifications and implications that lie below the surface. The death of a child in and of itself is huge but the results of the devastation as a whole are bigger. By aborting so many of our future citizens we also take away the potential for goodness and God's purposes to be fulfilled in the lives He has created (and in the world). By aborting we have shown that our population can decrease. Our economy can also slow down because of it. The family is being chipped away. In certain Scandanavian countries there are so few children being born that the creator of the birth control pill has admitted that the pill has proven to be a hugely destructive experiment and regrets creating it. In other words, what happens when we stop producing children...the next generations are doomed and the families are smaller. The edict in China has shown now that there are so many more men than women and the few women that are in the population are only permitted to have one child. Contrary to the idea that using birth control to control population is a brilliant plan, we are seeing the total opposite is true . AND it will just get worse. The next generation, if inundated with Liberal education and media will continue to buy into the belief that abortion is mainstream, to be on demand and being pregnant is an inconvenience rather than a blessing. If Generation Y doesn't make a total 180degree turn then we will continue to see a decline....The good news is that it does seem that the next generation is more pro-life than generation x. Still it remains to be seen if the generation can be enlivened enough to go back to traditional values that would steer the entire Gen Y population toward life...It all remains to be seen. That is why the work we are doing today is so important...Generations before us would pray for their future generations of children assuming there would be many children from their lineage born. I am sure it never occurred to them that the family line would somehow decrease....but it is decreasing...When we pray for our children's children and on and on ...we need to not only pray for their protection but now we must pray that they choose to procreate and choose life rather than is a humbling and scary thought but true......