Saturday, March 21, 2009

Did You Kill Your Baby? (talking to your kids about your abortion)

So, one of the most difficult thing about finally coming out as a post abortive woman is trying to tell your kids about it. I had told my 17 year old and 11 year old kids this year and they were great and understanding about it. I decided not to talk to my other kids because they were too young and there was also a language barrier due to their only being here a year. My other children are Grace (10), Ella (7), Jared (6) from Ethiopia and Matea (3) from Guatemala. So, this week as a part of the 40 days of LIfe I spent a few minutes praying at the abortion clinic while Grace, and Ella were in the car. There is only one sign at the clinic and when I returned to the car Grace said "Mom...what Women's Health Org?" Mark and I had talked about how we would like to start talking to them about sex but in age appropriate terms. I wanted to wait because I wanted them to understand english a little better....Still, when she asked I told her why I was praying. I told her in our country there are some laws that are not nice and are not what God likes so we pray for them to change. I told them that we have one law that will let women have their babies taken from them and then not live. I also told them in super elementary terms about KISSING and waiting for your husband. So, that was the conversation and after the girls went "YUCK." when I mentioned kissing..that was it...

So two days go by. Today we are having lunch at home. Andrew my 11 year old (who knew about the abortion) was in the room as well as Matea and the two girls (Grace and Ella)...The kids started this crazy crazy funny conversation on their own about Obama and how they don't like him because he isn't nice to little babies....Then as I was walking into the kitchen they said "Mom why does Obama not like babies." (we had had a conversation in December about why I didn't like Obama and I had to tell them about abortion in those very loose terms...Obama not being nice to babies because of the born alive bill and loose abortion laws)...So again I had to talk a little about abortion. I made a judgement call and just felt like I needed to start the dialogue since they were asking....we continued to eat our lunch. Then Ella very innocently looks up at me with a smile and says "Mommy did you kill your baby?" The pause felt like 20 minutes. Andrew was looking at me...they all were as in my mind I wanted to lie and lie but I knew that Andrew knew the truth and I had to have them trust that I would tell the truth. So I told them that when I was a teenager and didn't know any better I thought that law was okay but now I know that God's law is the most important and abortion is against God's law. I told them that was why I pray there. THen Ella said "you killed your baby?" Again pause and total dread in my mind...I told her God had forgiven me and that in our family we will always want our babies to live etc...and that is why we don't kiss boys until we are married etc....Matea (whose mother was only 14) said "My mom didn't kill me." Another knife in my heart. I told her that we were so happy that in Guatemala they didn't have the law that her mom could do that...and that we will work hard to make sure mothers keep babies here....and make America learn about God's law etc...

So, it is interesting because I can post videos about my abortion to the world. I have no problem talking in front of the world about it but it was really hard talking to my kids about this especially the ones who don't really 'get it'. They are really too young to grasp it so I know the conversation won't really be finished for a few years....It also dawned on me that had Matea's mom been allowed to abort her and if our MEXICO CITY POLICY money had gone to support her abortion that she may not be here with us....humbling...It is humbling to be in the moment when you know your kids realize that you are far from perfect and indeed sinful....So, I pray they can grasp it and know Jesus forgives....

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2 comments:

Jessica said...

Hey Deanna!

I was so thankful to be at the Rally last night for 40 Days For Life and to be moved by your amazing song and voice! Your story touched me and I just wanted you to know I'm so thankful for you and your amazing witness of our Lord working, working, working in our lives.

I'm a friend of Pam's so I knew I may find you on her blog...

I am adding your blog to my own (hope you don't mind) and can't wait to catch up on your story here!

♥ Your sister in Christ,
Jessica Brown

PS. Your kids were just the sweetest! Your littlest one brought me a mint (maybe she knew I really needed it!LOL) and nicely asked me "who are you?" LOL And I couldn't keep my hands off that little boys hair! And bless his heart, he was just so sweet!

Tammy said...

I remember the day when I told my children about my abortion. Like you,it felt like the world had stopped when my daughter,who was 8 at the time,asked me.

It took me two more years to tell my son from my first marriage(a lot of guilt there). I thought they would never forgive me but they did.

God is so good.