Sunday, January 4, 2009

Eulogy for Aubrey!

I must admit that writing the title for the post was like a knife in my heart. On Wed at 9:30 I am having a memorial for Aubrey. This is 27 years post abortion and after being healed and through bible studies...but first memorial service. It seems strange to do it but also totally devastatingly sad for me.....Still I believe it will bring closure. There will also be 2 other women we are having a service for a total of 4 babies (one woman had two abortions). I will post more about it after the service on Wed...but here is what I am saying...

Dear Aubrey,

All I can think of when I think of you are the vast amounts of blessings you have brought into my life. I believe in my heart of hearts that God wanted to bless me with you when I was 19 because He knew that through mothering you I would come back to Him. But I made that awful decision and never was able to feel the blessings of your life here on earth and it would take more work and time for Jesus to penetrate into my very calloused heart. Still God is amazing and eventually I did come back to Him through the pain and regret of the abortion. I want to say that if you had been born I would have given you an amazing middle name like Faith or Hope or something sweet like that. But because I long to be with you I wanted my name to be your middle name. There is a part of me that died when you left this evil world. There is also a part of me that feels like it will never be home until I am in heaven with you. So knowing my name is with you brings me hope and happiness knowing I too am connected to you in Heaven. The best thing I can do today to honor you is to praise Him. I praise Him for bringing Jesus to truly wash away the sin of the worst decision of my life. I praise Him for promising new life and making me a new creation through Him. I praise Him for being relentless and pulling me back to Him when I wanted to run. I praise Him for seeing my value when I felt unworthy of His love. I praise Him for being gracious and using this awful sin to show me what true compassion is. I praise Him for saving my life when I wanted to kill myself. I praise Him for walking me into the light of day when I wanted to hide under my covers in darkness until the sun stopped shining. I praise Him for truly teaching me how to sing and dance again. I praise Him for allowing me to escape the grasps of an unhealthy relationship and eventually leading me into the arms of a righteous man who has been my husband for 21 years. I praise Him for blessing me with your 4 sisters and 2 brothers. I praise Him for lighting a fire inside of me to advocate for the unborn and for the orphaned children. I praise Him for revealing His supernatural power to me and teaching me that my life is all about Him and not about me. I praise Him for never breaking the yoke he had on me even when I pushed Him away. I praise Him for picking me up, washing me up and telling me I was beautiful when I felt wounded, ugly and weak. But the main praise I send to Him is for your short life and for His infinite forgiveness. I truly believe that Jesus came to save, forgive and renew. I have felt it totally through the healing He has poured out on me. There is no doubt to me that He is the Son of God and Saviour of this world. Aubrey, God used your sweet life to bring me back into the arms of Jesus and that is the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I know He would have done that had you lived as well. But God is brilliant and was able to turn the worst thing in my life into a major blessing. Lastly I praise Him because even though I felt that I had lost you and felt totally disoriented for years not knowing where you were, how to get to you I know you are not lost. I know where you are. I have found you safe and at home in Heaven and in the arms of the Lord. You reside in the home that all of us aliens on this earthly so long to be. This world is not our home but we long to be in the place in Heaven where LIFE is valued, children are valued and loved. In the meantime, God has given us work here to try to be His hands and feet in saving the babies and attempting to make our world reflect His values. I vow that I will truly work to honor your life. I will do my best to continue to turn my sin into life saving measures. I hope Jesus will allow you to witness to the beauty of a mother turning to Life because she hears our story. And when Jesus calls me home I pray He will open the door and place you in my arms again I Praise Him and am at peace knowing you are safe in His arms. I will love you forever!